Husband's aha moment with 2 ladies... on the drive

It is decision-making time at home. In fact, it has been so for the last over 6 months. The bigger the decision, the longer the time taken. Typical Libra the man of the house is at that.

Every time he weighs the pros and cons and goes over them again and again and again until our girl rolls her eyes and walks off leaving me to play the supporting wife, I'm reminded of my childhood, when my mother grabbed that extra tomato from the vendor-woman's cane basket, saying with finality, "This needs to be here.. Why can't you hold your balance straight...and these stones you call weights... you think I can't see..." These sentences were the staple of my mom until she grabbed more veggies off her basket. I don't know who was smarter. My mom or the old Rajamma, who chewed paan and always gave in to my mom. After the sale, she put the coins into her greasy pouch and tucked it over the petticoat string inside her shrivelled tummy folds, gargled her mouth, and settled down for the hot glass of sweetened tea, while she regaled my mom with the gossip of the week.

Courtesy: Morguefile

Well, in our latest case at home, I have nothing to be regaled about as the merchandise on the scale is a car. Given my unparalleled knowledge of vehicles, I play the de facto conduit. And so it has been...the husband has been car shopping...err..r car studying for several months now. We have visited a dozen showrooms and have gone on test drives, too.

"Will we get the new car at least by my birthday, Papu?," asked our girl the other day, at the dinner table.

"That's what we need to decide if it's...."

"Oh! Papa,.."

And he steps on the accelerator...no left, no right, no brakes...from the length of this car and that, to the engine of this and that, the make, the pull, the drive, the resale value, the insurance, cost of parts... Had I memorised the points that he compares, I would have been hired hands-down by any auto dealer in town by now.

The girl desperately said, "Papu, please let's just buy one. How much will you see now!"

Sensing her lose cool, I stepped in. "Okay, so you have zeroed in on Infiniti or Pilot, yea?"

"That's the confusion now," he replied honestly.

So I decided to call upon my inherited finality and said, "Okay, Infiniti it is. That sales guy was so sweet."

"Exactly Mama, wasn't he so nice," my girl exclaimed. "How he introduced himself, shook hands with us, always smiling and talking. Let’s buy that car, Papu."

The husband, lost for words, stammered, "It's a CAR we're buying."

"Yea, so?" she threw in, in her customary style.

"That Pilot guy was so...,

"Rude", my girl completed for me.

"Yea. Like a tour guide he took us round and round the car yapping stats..."

"That's his job. And that's exactly why we went there, to get the details," defended the husband.

"So, what was I? Your secretary walking behind you? The least he could have done was at least acknowledge my presence..."

"Yes, Papu, the other person was so nice. Let's buy that..."

Dumb-struck, he had his head shift from left to right, looking at the two of us on his either side until he finally broke into a what-will-I-do-with-the-two-of-you smile!

A selfie for the album

An aha moment for the Libran when he found a balance – with his two lady loves!

Mom’s worry, child’s dream, nation’s curse

Courtesy: MorgueFile

I have a dream! Yes, even I – a laywoman – do have one. I see our teenager flying out soon from the comfy cocoon we are nurturing her in now. And I can’t wait to see her return to India – her home country she’s fascinated with.

I’m so blessed to have become a parent in the 21^st century. Am grateful to the Divine that our daughter has a world that’s so advanced and bubbling with opportunities for her to live her dreams.

And my country is rearing to go. India’s energy is infectious that I can’t rest in peace.

What if I can’t persuade my child to give up on her skirts and crop tops?

The economy is booming… if not now, it will shortly be, by the time our girl steps out to make a life on her own. Am thankful to our government that is relentlessly working to offer youngsters the best life and means of livelihood.

And yes, no matter in which corner of India my girl chooses to settle in, I will feel her, touch her and hug her. In the tech world another 5 years is an eon when Skype will be obsolete and rocket science will become household mantra. The healthy competition between Facebook and Google will sure ensure that to parents like me!

How privileged am I, unlike my parents, who had to initially wait for a fortnight for the monthly mail to fall in their post-box and then yell into the receiver to hear me. How lucky am I that my child has a plethora of a spread to carve out a career from. She will graduate at a time, when MNCs and world-renowned firms would have all settled in her hometown and she would not have to bribe authorities for passport verification. 

What if she's caught reading ‘fanatic unaccepted’ series?

All she needs to do is hone her talents and sharpen her skills and enjoy life. Like my parents told me then – all you need to worry about is study and get good grades. And when I achieved that they knocked every door of our community distributing home-made sweets, before settling in to post university forms. 

When my girl makes me proud I’ll tweet her scores and register her name in all top universities sitting in the washroom in my PJS.

But unlike my parents who waved me moisty-eyed good-byes, I don’t have the nerve to let her go away from me. All my parents had to do was collect their nerves to see me bloom. But I have to collect the nerves of my fellowmen, take their consent, check their ideologies and train my girl to fit-in. 

How do I explain to my child that she would 'fit-in'?

What if I can’t persuade my child to give up on her skirts and crop tops? What if I can’t succeed in asking her to give up non-veg? How do I explain to a teen to stop hanging out with friends and forget sleep overs? What if she gets on social media and post her paintings? How do I censure the artist in her? She enjoys Divergent, Hunger Games and the ilk now. But I have no idea of what she will like next. What if the books are not ‘fanatic accepted’ series…?

How do I explain to my child that she would have to change and ‘fit-in’ if she were to stay alone in her home country – a land about which she loves hearing stories about. Her favourite tea-time topic is my childhood and student days in India. And she can’t wait to outdo me by being an independent girl.

But I fret. I am afraid. I am lost. I am ashamed.

He called me Anamica, admonished me… and disappeared

My mobile rang one noon in October 2012.

A booming voice, "Am I speaking to Nisha Sanjeev?"

“Yes. May I know who is on line?"

"Anamica!! How are you? I am so-and-so…"

This gentleman, a veteran media professional with unrivalled accomplishments, stumbled across my book and had traced me down.

The next day I was on air, speaking about women’s empowerment – a live interview, which he had arranged.

He referred me to a few and thus I became a speaker

 

Every single day for the next six months he spoke to me at least once. Sharing inspiring anecdotes from his life, talking to me about great people and their lifestyles and egging me to write every day…

Soon he began admonishing me over my habit of waiting for weekends, not waking up early enough, not reading enough… not changing my lifestyle to focus on my passion.

He compelled me to break free, meet new people. He even referred me to a few and thus I became a speaker. I was invited as one of the key speakers at an event celebrating the 150^th birth anniversary of Swami Vivekananda.

He persuaded me to try a new genre – I wrote a play

Abruptly, his calls became occasional. But even those began with, "Anamica!!! Tell me how far have you come with your new book?” My replies never satisfied him.

And then, I heard him rare… and then… I simply waited…

Yesterday I learnt he left Dubai two years back!

The serendipity of people suddenly appearing in my universe at moments when I least expect and dusting clean my path and vision only to disappear suddenly, leaves me in humble submission to the Divine.

God Blessings to all who crossed my path!

Laugh AT me, if you can’t laugh WITH me!

                   This is how you learn to smile... first at yourself!

My daughter has requested me, a plea I would like to believe… however, an ultimatum at the least. “When you write about me, at least tell me!” 

Apparently I got some ‘facts’ wrong and she was confronted in school. “It’s not Thomas telling Brenda to keep her undies on. Thomas doesn’t say that…” she made her point.

I’m at fault. I can’t stand young adult fiction. Only the slang in there catches my attention. So, yes, I messed up the characters. [Am eager to know which set of parents are my readers, but she has no intention of revealing her source].

My dad has requested, a plea I would like to believe…however, an ultimatum at the least. “What all are there in this world to write about. Why write about our family!”

Apparently, some in my extended family were offended by one of my recent posts and they had an audience with him… I would like to believe, rather it was a veiled complaint at the least.

I guess my dad reacted thus as the heat got closer now, because earlier, a gentleman – I presume  – apparently cautioned my dad that “your daughter writes against Malayalis” and my dad gave two hoots.

There have been instances when my friends have taken offence to my expressions, too.

Guys, gals, friends, foes, acquaintances, relations, neighbours, strangers, my readers… The pun has [and is] always been on me!

This is no defence rather an explanation in the simplest possible words I know.

Missing the wood for the trees and pouting is like boozing and blaming the brewery when you puke. Ha… here I go yet again. Now, this is a foul-smelling simile, I admit and confess I mean no offence to anyone in general and none in particular!

This is me. Living amidst you. And so when I write it’s about me and you. If only I lived in ether, I could snort helium and make light of all egos…here I go again. Now, this is a heavy-handed allegation, I admit. But snort it out and read me again, I bet, you’ll laugh WITH me, when not AT me!

Or like my girl, have the nerve to spread out the facts! I love being defeated by my baby. Any day!!

PS: Learning to laugh at oneself is the cheapest remedy to all ills! Try it!