Menstrual day off...

Courtesy: MorgueFile

I am a woman. The type you see in your homes, on streets, at groceries, hospitals, malls, parks...at your workplaces. I am not a superwoman. I do the dishes and laundry on some days, squirm and hoodwink the husband into doing it on other days. I am that woman. A normal, common woman.

I earn my keep with pride like most of my breed. I am dedicated, determined and responsible. I put my head down and work five days a week. Almost. Most of the months. Yes. I miss a day or two depending on when Grand Aunt decides to visit me. If she drops in on the weekends I treat her like The Queen. And she lets go off me like a Princess. 

We don't need your sympathy or pity. Least of it your understanding

If she arrives on weekdays, I go down on my knees and pray she adjusts. I tell her I am a normal, common woman who needs to get up at dawn to set the day for my child before reporting to work as the sun rises. But she refuses to pay heed. She's a supernova demanding my undivided attention. A martinet who squeezes my insides oozing the last pint of blood from me. Drains me out exhausted. I lie with a water bag, hands between my legs, curled like a newborn, whining. Not done yet, she decides to pound my back. I roll over wrestling her with pillows. She takes her wrath on me as if she's long last gotten hold of the most wanted criminal in this galaxy who had been on the run.

Submissive, I accept defeat. That's the only trick to handle her. Like you would to your boss - 'Yes boss, yes boss, three bags full boss'. So I pop Ponstan, hold my breath and let her unleash her temper.

Once she makes peace with me, I get up, hug my child and my man and procced to shoo the wolf off my door. I am duty-bound to quantify the leave taken. What do I fill in? A sick leave? I didn't consult a doc. I wasn't medically ill. Do I trade in those extra hours I slogged on holidays then? Is that fair? Or do I write-off from the accrued annual leave? Probably compassionate leave? Options are many. I'll write-off any type of leave and as many a number. Loss of pay? I'm ready for that, too, if only I am allowed to play the submissive prey with peace the following month, without being made to feel guilty of choosing to stay back on a particular day, of not having announced my absence in advance, of not being responsible enough...

Sexism and feminism - a bloody combo deriding womanhood

Listen folks - gentlemen and graceful women [yes, women, too. I've had the luck to work with a few holier-than-thou souls] we females menstruate. For some among us it's crazily painful. We get knocked off our senses. Sadly, we are not blessed with the power to select those days. So if it happens to follow a weekend or a public holiday we are not nursing a hang-over or biting out white lies to go shopping. We are just trying to cope with our biological system. Our life.

We don't need your sympathy, empathy or pity. Least of it your understanding. For you simply cannot understand. Period. Yes. It's also called that. The next time you hear this word, remember not to judge the woman who says it.

And you female employees - those of you who manipulate the system in the name of changing sanitary pads - stop it now. NOW. Show some respect to your own selves, if not to your breed.

So how about Menstrual Leave - a viable solution? I can already hear mademoiselles screaming sexism and others feminism - a bloody combo deriding womanhood.

Please, let us just be. Let the common, normal types bleed in peace.

Who ‘killed’ Dalit student? Stop howling to see the truth

In today's Hitavada

 

I will be accused for saying this. Nevertheless. Rohith Veluma ended his life. Right or wrong we are nobody to decide. It was his decision. Period.

 

Why did he do it? Who pushed him into doing it…? Indeed, valid questions but asked out of context. And debated without real reason.

 

When I was a student, there was the Mandal issue. Who was that youngster who self-immolated, by the way? And that Iron Lady of the North-East now, what’s her name?

 

No one debating Veluma’s suicide will get to see the truth. No politicians, no educationists, no media personnels, no laymen fixated to their TV sets in their living rooms… None will see it.

 

Because Veluma was not as a scholar. He was a Dalit scholar. Because people he allegedly offended are not mere authorities. But authorities of THE party. Because notes he wrote to the vice-chancellor were not mere words  communicating his distress rather notes of insubordination and arrogance.

 

Read people. Read his notes. He hasn’t held anyone responsible. In fact, he has requested to let his funeral be silent and smooth. “I am not hurt, not sad, just empty…” he wrote.

 

Every once a while such births happen to shake mortals out of their indisputable fiefdom. To wield that blow on the heads in order to shove the filth from inside their cells. But sadly, they collectively garner more of it from one another in such aftermaths.

 

Who pushed him to death and why they did so are the two burning residues left of the tragedy apart from the unsurmountable loss to Veluma’s family. Pointless and useless queries. Sheer waste of time. Absolute dishonour to the departed soul.

 

Who pushed him? – He himself. Literally and figuratively, he pushed himself to the extreme.

 

Why? Is a relevant query if only the answer is sought without bias and beliefs.

 

But all we hear in investigative analysis is dalit, discrimination, dalit, discrimination and more of it peppered with red-tapism and call for ousters and resignations. By the Vice-Chancellor given the sack or the Ministers stepping down or the Prime Minister taking moral responsibility, none will get to the truth.

 

By forcing action in the name of delivering justice, we are only stoking more of the same emotion – ego and elitism -  in the so-called ‘culprits’. If only protests, punishments, Constitutional safeguards and Acts would protect lives in our country such incidents would not have happened.

 

With proof these definitely haven’t worked thus far, can’t we for a change be silent. Let the News Hours across channels be mute. Let students walk in silence without a word or gesture across the length and breadth of our nation. Let politicians turn up in assemblies and parliament and sit without uttering a word.

 

In silence let’s all ponder LIFE. Respect at least the young man's last words. "I have no complaints on anyone... I feel a growing gap between my soul and body..."

 

This is all life is about folks. The core desire in humans is love and peace, because we are primarily peaceful, loving souls. Not power, ranks and names.

 

This is ‘WHY’ Rohith Veluma left us. Can you at least send him off peacefully with love?

 

Stop howling!

Stop playing victim

Talking of herself.. as always at the recent TM meet

There was this baby who had so small a mouth that her mom teased that she used a big spoon to feed so that it widens up a bit.  As she grew up and was teased for being silent, she believed it was because of her tiny mouth.

She was a girl who was so quiet that her relatives alleged she was indifferent and arrogant.

She was a youngster who was so self-conscious that her acquaintances said she was a bad example for growing-up girls.

She is a woman who is still considered ignorant by some friends who ramble on non-stop.

She is a woman who is still called intense and private by her bosses and colleagues at work.

She is a woman who has been pushing her own boundaries…

I’ve been with this person all along. I know how she felt every time she was labelled; every time she was laughed at; every time she was ignored; every time she made an effort to be included…

I know how far this woman has come…

Today she CHOOSES to vehemently refuse to talk if she can’t add value to the conversation – no matter what she is called. Today she is adamant NOT to interact with people who DO NOT VALUE her – no matter what she is called.

Today she is so comfortable in her own skin that she speaks for herself, about herself and for all those who take the shape of the bottle they are forced into.

Stop demeaning yourself by morphing to fit into another’s image of you!

Stop fooling yourself

When people at my workplace learnt I joined a Toastmaster's club, one of my colleagues muttered, "Why do journalists need to learn to speak?"

That was too loaded a remark. If I had let it bog me down then, I would have been ashamed of myself. Nor would I have had the courage to write this today.

After almost 4 years with the awesome organisation, where I discovered several hidden traits in me, I can say with conviction that listening to your own inner voice is the only way to understand your real self.

As to why journalists need to speak…it needs a separate space. Now, suffice to say - a good speaker is different from an efficient reporter or fantastic conversationalist or rutheless debater, panelist, critic… et al. And Toastmastering is not only about communicating. It’s leadership, too. Again for the ignorant, a good leader is not only who takes pride in teams’ achievements or specializes in ordering about and delegating or keeping the pack in line… et al.

There's none to inspire and encourage you all your life! 

We adults are ridiculously hopeless kids at times. When we feel a lack in executing our duties in all its efficiency or living life to its fullest, we decide that we need help in sprucing ourselves up.

We approach life coaches, join self-development programmes or simply seek advice and pour out our hearts to anyone willing to lend their ears. But when we are offered help or shown the path, we hesitate, procrastinate, alter, amend or become too busy at once.

The contest season in Toastmaster’s has begun. It’s amazing an opportunity for anyone wanting to face an audience, receive feedback and more importantly test your own self. And yet, the enthusiasm with which people join the programme vanishes as the contest date nears.

They need to be prodded, pushed, cajoled, consoled, assured... as if only their action would save planet earth, so please stand up and save mankind from doom!!

If you believe you need to develop yourself and you have taken that first step, you might as well go the whole yard.

There's none to inspire you all your life. There's none to encourage you at all times. Even kids are spoon-fed only for the first few years. So stop expecting seniors and mentors to hold you by your pinkie and lead you every time you pull up a puppy face.

If you have decided to develop yourself. You bloody well do all that it takes for you to develop yourself. It's kiddish and absolute waste of your time to procrastinate when an opportunity is offered to you. As Richard Branson says, ‘If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!’

Isn't that why you paid the fee and vouched your time? Or if you thought only paying the fee will get you the desired result, then you should be in primary school sucking lollipops.

Oh, yes. There will be emergencies and personal reasons. The former I totally understand. But when an emergency plays out at regular intervals, don’t complain if it’s alleged to be orchestrated.

Stop fooling yourself!