Woman of Substance

How do I introduce her to my readers? I thought long and hard. No one word, no one adjective befits her. She is vibrant, energetic, cheerful, stylish, ambitious, professional, emotional, grounded, religious, loving, responsible, accountable... she simply flows.

Preethi D'Souza - the lady with a beatific smile and beautiful eyes! Yep, that's what strikes one at first glance. No sooner than we settle down than she zooms off. No barrels held.

 

The sacrificial lamb she was

And you soon wonder, is she speaking of herself or someone else? Married at a tender age of 19 into a business family in Mumbai, India, Preethi, then a fresh graduate, looked forward to marital bliss. By 25, with three kids in her arms, she realised she was stuck in a 'loveless' marriage.

 


Doting mom... The three loves of Preethi's life

Preethi attempted her best to become the woman of her husband's liking. Whenshe failed, she turned to her mom, who advised her to stay put, as "it would bring bad reputation to her two younger sisters".

Proud mom... her best friends

The beautician is born

So what did Preethi do? The determined woman that she has been, she returned to Dubai and continued to play the wife and mother and, yes, decided to spruce herself up. She successfully earned an international degree in cosmetology - 'CIDESCO' - from Zurich.

A moment to cherish... one for the album

Later, she requested her husband to help her setup a salon. When he dillydallied on his promise, she did the best she could. Preethi distributed brochures detailing the services she could offer among residents in the community. Soon, she found herself being a 'mobile beautician' - she carried her kit and visited clients at their homes. The bubbly person that she is, it wasn't long before she became the talk of the town. So, she turned the maid's room of her villa into her salon. But as business boomed, some jealous eyes threatened her of legalities. So she quickly wound that up and applied for a professional licence and set up her first salon in Dubai in 2010.

 

A mentor and guide she turns

Her professionalism combined with her warmth drew women in hordes towards her. They came not only for beauty treatments but also to share their woes. Preethi would give them all a patient ear and advice the best she could enabling them to stand on their feet and become financially independent.

Taking a break...way to chill!

As her counselling sessions increased, she was advised by her women clients to start a Facebook page in order to reach out to more women. And thus was born 'Moms World'. With 4,000+ members, Preethi had her hands and days full. She even organised an exhibition in Dubai - free of charge - where her mentees exhibited their handcrafts.

 

Lessons from naivety she learns

So was everything honky-dory? Well, Preethi being a Giver, people did take her for rides, utilising her for their own selfish ends and turning her down when she sought help. But the lovely lady does not pause to delve into details. "I bless them. Let them go." Large-hearted, indeed!

Meanwhile, she opened a branch of her salon 'Mothers World' in the neighbouring emirate of Sharjah. Unfortunately, she had to close it down a year later only because she does not believe in taking loans. A prudent businesswoman!

 

A new career beckons her

Does that dishearten her? Well, no way. She's one woman who leads a passionate life. She's  a sought-after Emcee, being a regular at community and church events, apart from hosting regular shows. This drive in her to connect with the larger world has led to her latest venture - Preethi is soon going to have a own show titled 'Lifestyle With Preethi', on one of the prestigious TV Channels of Dubai, where she will talk about relationships, movie reviews, beauty, health as well as introduce entrepreuners and share their success stories.

A charming host...leading with grace

Currently, she is looking for sponsors for the show who would join her in her endevour to inspire common man.

Heartbroken but spirits high

For she indeed, has come a long way, in her 39 years. The only time her hazel-eyes cloud is when she recollects how her husband moved back to India taking along with him all her three kids and she did not have a clue even. However, she soon collects herself, and shares with me how proud she is of her teenagers - two girls and a boy - who are independent and raring to take on life just as she is. It was her daughters who gave her the strength to call off the marriage. A fresh divorcee, Preethi says, "I pray for my husband every day."

She's moved on and there's no stopping her. Preethi is in talks with investors to launch franchises of her salon in Indian and other UAE cities. "I hate woman who crib, who cannot take care of themselves and find excuses to live their lives," she spats.

 

A role model, indeed

"I was body-shamed once for being too skinny, without a figure. I was too naive, I took it to heart then. Later, I stopped self-pitying. Today, I workout every day. There was a time, when I used to hit the gym at 5am in the morning, when my kids were with me. So I don't take excuses when women say they have family and responsibilities. Only you can take care of yourself," she explains. Tall and well-built, Preethi can give any model a run for their money.

A role 'model'...

Preethi's recently auditioned for the latest Bollywood Theme Park in Dubai, taking her dream to act in Bollywood movies a step closer. "Not only Bollywood, I'm ready for Hollywood, too," she says.

In fact, her penchant for jewellery and modelling is such that she questions retailers obsession with celebrities. "Local retailers must hire common women," she believes.

So how do I introduce Preethi to you? A woman of substance!!

Oh! Yes, all this what you read is just an introduction. Preethi's zeal to live life  to the fullest, every second of it in the best possible manner, cannot be captured in this blog space.

Suffice to say, her passion and energy are infectious and her warmth is contagious!

Here's wishing her the best always!

Continue inspiring as you conquer all your dreams, Preethi!

God Bless!

 

She stands firm and strong... to build 3 cities

Eldest in a family of 6 girls, Mukai Henrieta Mutubuki - Kumirai grew up in Gweru - the third largest city in Zimbabwe.

"Life at High School was more fun and liberating because, unlike at Primary School where the mode of learning was rules, rules and more rules and if you disobeyed those rules, you'd be punished. In High School there was much more 'room to breathe'. Freedom of expression was encouraged and actually celebrated; so I found myself opening my wings in preparation for take off!! Take off in life," recalls the 44-year-old.

Read on... in her own words...

 

Education, Family and Profession:

 

"I am a Chartered Quantity Surveyor by profession.

"I completed my B.Sc Quantity Surveying Degree with University of KwaZulu-Natal, Durban, South-Africa in 1996. It was a tough course, which saw many of my colleagues drop off during our first year.

"I also hold a Masters in Business Administration (MBA) with National University of Science and Technology in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, which I completed in 2004.

"I am a registered member with The Zimbabwe Institute Of Quantity Surveyors (ZIQS) since May 2000 to date. I passed my Test of Professional Competence after one sitting, 2 years after graduating from university. That year, of the Quantity Surveyors who sat for this Test in the whole country, only two passed. That was truly a proud and life-transforming moment for me.

"I am a single parent with two kids, Angela Runyararo Kumirai (18) and Michael Panashe Kumirai (15)

"Our parents, Edias Henry Kanamadero Mutubuki & Laurentia Eunah Mutubuki, ensured all us kids got the best education possible. With both parents being graduates themselves - dad holds a PhD with University of Birmingham, UK & mum holds a Masters in Education with Midlands State University, Gweru, Zimbabwe; all 6 of us are university graduates."

 

Hobbies

"I enjoy reading Life Coaching books as well as fiction and adventurous novels. Dale Carnegie; Robin Sharma; Deepak Chopra; Tony Robbins; Bob Proctor; Jake Canfield; Napoleon Hill; Barbara Taylor-Bradford; Sidney Sheldon; Virginia Andrews are some of my favourite authors.

"I love watching cricket; soccer; rugby and golf, too. But my favourite past-time is playing the piano."

 

Passions

"Life Coaching is one of my passions. I love empowering young girls and women and helping them find themselves. Guide them to reach the pinnacle in their chosen field without fear or inhibition.

"In fact, I am happiest when I see people being able to overcome challenges and obstacles and achieve what they desire. Really delightful!

"My other passion is Quantity Surveying. I just love Quantity Surveying. It is the most fulfilling profession on earth. For me, nothing beats the pleasure I feel every time we complete a project - whether it's a Million Dirham Contract or a Billion Dirham Contract - the feeling is the same.

"It is magical, fascinating and awe-inspiring to see the building on Plan initially and then tending to it one day at a time, brick by brick, window by window, until one day, a year or two later, seeing it manifest in its full glory, in its physical form as the final built structure... it's like giving birth to a baby every time! Absolutely phenomenal! I can't imagine doing anything else! I feel blessed that my job is my passion."

 

How important is financial independence to you on a scale of 10; with 1 being the least?

"On a scale of 10, with 1 being the least, I would rank it a 10.

"I believe financial independence is very important, especially when I look at it from a women's perspective. Money empowers her. Yes, money is not everything in life, but still, I believe it plays a very important and central part in our day-to-day activities.

"Being a single parent of 2 school-going children; raising them through one of the toughest periods of recession in 2008/2009/2010, while experiencing salary cuts, delays, etc, I know first-hand the turmoil, trauma and tribulation a family can face due to hardships caused by financial challenges.

"I have also survived a marriage breakup due in part to the stress caused by the hopelessness, helplessness, despair and frustration that can emanate from facing financial hardships. The reality is, no matter what is happening in one's career or business, bills still have to be paid; debts still have to be settled; food still must be made available on the table; kids still have to go school and should not skip a grade.

"Peace of mind comes when one is able to earn much more than their expenses and have enough left over to save and invest."

 

Your biggest achievement/s to date & why?

"My biggest achievement to date would have to be my children. I have been blessed with the happiest, centered, extremely intelligent, well balanced, well behaved kids on the planet & for that I am eternally grateful.

"Angela will be sitting for her A'Levels this November & attending one of the Ivy League Universities in USA next year (2017) & Michael is in Form 2 & is top of his Class; following in the impeccable shoes of his sister. I am a very happy and proud mom."

 

One incident that was your lowest. And how it reshaped your life?

"My lowest moment was when my first marriage irrevocably broke down.

"It was a very painful and difficult time for me because I had wanted to raise my kids in a loving home where both mother and father were present to guide, coach, love & care for their kids.

Unfortunately, that was not to be, for 6 years ago, we finally separated for good.

This incident reshaped my life in a number of ways:

*I learnt the importance of playing an active role in the selection process of a mate. After all, for a marriage to work, both parties must want to be together to form a family unit.

*I learnt the importance of healing from past hurts first, before getting into a new relationship; otherwise, past hurts simply make their presence known & felt in that current relationship; & it's not pretty.

"One has to find themselves; date themselves first, before seeking out a relationship with another.  And by relationships, I mean even past hurts from parents, siblings, that bully from school, etc.

"So, seek healing first within yourself - become your own best friend - before entering into a relationship with another.

"I also learnt the importance of speaking up when you don't like something, instead of bottling it all up. The fact, is, your partner is not a mind reader, hence, may continue doing or saying or not doing or not saying the things that you want done or considered.

"When something you do not like happens or occurs, speak up. Assert yourself. You have a right to your own opinion & exercise that right.

"I also learnt the importance of constantly working on your relationship every day. Even if you have a great relationship, there is no room for complacency in relationships. Listen to each other consider each other's needs and wants.

"When a crisis occurs, do not complain or blame. Deal with them head on and continue to love and be there for your family. Complaining and blaming distorts reality."

 

Any aha moments...

"I have had many aha moments. The most recent one was when I read about The 12 Universal Laws of Attraction. It was a great surprise to me for all along, I thought we only had the 1 Universal Law, The Law Of Attraction! When I read all the 12; suddenly everything about how the world works made sense. Interesting!

"Another aha moment was when I joined Toastmasters. It was like a key had been given to me to unlock all those stumbling blocks in communication. Fascinating!

"Another aha moment was when my daughter, Angela, was a baby; she would reach out for me and only me. When people, including family members, tried to take her and hold her in their arms, she would cry and motion to want me and only me, to carry her. For the first time in my life, I learnt the meaning of unconditional love. Truly awesome!

"Yet another aha moment was when I gave birth to my son, Michael. The first 24 hours of his life in this world were pretty tough. I had had a traumatic delivery and I had no milk. The hospital would not allow newborns to be bottle-fed. Michael was hungry and cried the whole night through. But not once in that first 24 hours, did I lose my patience with my baby. For the first time in my life, I learnt the art of caring."

 

Any regrets in life ? Steps taken to rectify...

"I don't have any regrets in my life. This is because I live my life moment by moment; in the best way I can. I am ruthlessly honest with myself and take a daily inventory of my activities, attitudes, habits that I did on that particular day.

'If I notice a situation I did or did not do and I am not happy with the outcome, I make it a point to rectify it immediately or first thing the following day. This has become a habit now."

 

Your advice to young women who are attempting to choose a career for themselves.

"Do what you love. Do what you are great at. Do what comes naturally to you. Listen to your instinct. Choose a vocation which will make you feel like you are on vacation whilst doing it.

"There will be many opinions coming from everywhere - family, friends, teachers, peers, strangers, etc - as to what career is best for you. Listen to them with an open mind; but choose that career that speaks to you; to your heart.

"Learn to trust yourself and your instinct at an early age and follow that. You know best what's best for you. Trust yourself to make the right decisions for you."

 

Your one biggest strength? One weakness?

"My one biggest strength - ability to stand firm and strong for others in times of adversity. I am really good at motivating others to look on the bright side of life; to believe in themselves and their abilities. My one weakness - I tend to be very stubborn at times.

 

10 years from now; how do you see yourself?

"10 years from now, I see myself happily married, raising 2 more children with my famous, well respected husband; who has made a name for himself and is accomplished in his own right.

"I see myself enjoying being a wife and mother in a God-centered, stable, steady, loving, harmonious, caring home environment.

"I also see myself having founded and running my own World Class Quantity Surveying & Project Management Firm, with branches all over the world - championing and leading Best Practices in the field of Quantity Surveying and Project Management.

"I would have built a legacy for all my 4 children in a business that builds leaders, communicators and entrepreneurs in society.

"10 years from now, I see myself building 3 cities in my country, Zimbabwe, and from this venture, generate massive employment opportunities for my fellow country folks. I see these 3 cities putting my country on the map and leading the world in terms of commerce, agriculture, mining, education, construction, information technology."

 

A twice-exceptional woman among us is breaking the mold and thriving



The winning speech...

Ceanlia Vermeulen, who boasts four teacher qualifications, is also a writer, speaker, weaver, painter, dreamer and a mom to her 20-year-old daughter.

"I want to change people’s worlds and make it better. So, I give myself permission to try," says the 47-year-old from Durban.


Here she shares with us her passion and philosophy of life...


Hobbies & Passion


I love reading, writing, painting (I’m an acrylic artist), meeting and helping new people (yes, Toastmasters is a hobby), swimming, walking to enjoy nature, camping.


One of my greatest desires in life is to leave a positive impression, example and meaningful works to the world and most importantly my family. I believe in what Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Change always starts with us. Great leaders get this. They understand that no one is inspired to follow leaders who aren't willing to do those things they are asking others to do.
There is something charismatic about people who understand all change starts with them.


 
If the job you do is NOT your passion then how do you balance the two?


If you value growth and learning over stability I would say quit your job. If the job leaves your most important values unfulfilled and another job would be better of fulfilling them, go for it. Don’t settle for less, it’s your life. Some decisions in life can be quite tricky. When you have a life purpose these tricky decisions become easier, your decisions will be more consistent. As you can see it’s more important for me to care about people and make honourable choices than it is to increase my personal wealth and abundance.
 
How important is financial independence to you on a scale of 10, with 1 being the least.


Scale: 9
 
Your biggest achievement/s to date and why?


I feel that my biggest achievement is yet to come. I’m always looking to achieve more tomorrow than I did today and I’m striving to improve myself all the time.
However, I would say that I have had several notable accomplishments in both my education and my work experience. Probably the most notable accomplishment was finishing school. My mom never thought that would be possible. Then I went to college and academically was a low achiever until my final exams when I learned “how to study” based on my brain profile. I now have 4 educational qualifications and many certificates.


Giftedness does not immunize a person against any other problems. In fact, an exceptional person displays both or one of the following:
    * Learning disability (like dyslexia in my case)
    * Other cognitive disorders (I also have Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD))


One of the biggest misconceptions is that dyslexic brains differ only in the ways they process printed symbols, when in reality they show an alternative pattern of processing that affects the way they process information across the board. Dyslexic brains are organized in a way that maximizes strength in making big picture connections at the expense of weaknesses in processing fine details. I was diagnosed at the age of 30! Massive accomplishment to have completed school and 2 qualifications by this time.


Another accomplishment was to have my art work selected as some of the top work in the province during an exhibition at the Natal Opera house, apart from taking part in art exhibitions. One of my dreams is to have a solo exhibition.
As a Toastmaster I competed in a highly competitive International speech contest where I took the 1st prize at the Area Contest this year.  


Competing in a speech contest is fun, challenging, nerve-wracking, but most of all – rewarding! I learn so much about myself and make new friends along the way. The "competition" in speech contests isn't really "against" others – it's a competition "against" myself! How good can I be? Am I improving? What can I learn from other speakers?

Ceanlia also makes short films. She has been a lead actress, script writer and assistant producer on 5 projects so far. Here she receives the winning price for 'Rotana Hotel' project.

 
One incident that was your lowest. And how it reshaped your life?


Divorce was my lowest point  – and it reshaped my life into my new beginning.
After my divorce I felt overwhelmed, stressed, sad, frustrated, excited, enthusiastic, full of anticipation... all of the above, sometime all at once.
The great news about my life-changing period of divorce is this: I got to shake things up and try new things, go to new places, and meet new people – I moved to Dubai. I also got a new haircut, wardrobe and occupation. I did my Honours degree in Inclusive Education. I couldn't completely just lose my mind, turn my back on real-life obligations, and throw caution to the wind (although that sounds fun and exciting, doesn't it?). 


I had some very real considerations like my daughter, my work, and my budget {one that has been seriously impacted by the divorce}.


I'm going to bet there are some new beginnings, real changes and opportunities that are well within your reach also. As long as the changes you make are healthy and constructive, my advice is go for it!
 
Aha moment/s


It is very hard to separate the person and the teacher.  The values, morals, and methodologies one has as a person and as a teacher intertwine so intricately, that is in difficult to find the exact point at where one ends and the other begins.  The concept of caring is also intricately woven throughout the personal and professional being I am as a teacher.  A person who cares in life is a person who cares in their profession as well.  Therefore, my personal and professional goals as a teacher are inseparable.  As much as caring should be part of my practice, I want to cultivate a caring capacity in my students as well.  I want my students to know that not only do I care about them as my students; I care about them as people as well.  I want them to know I am not here to “do a job” or merely claim a pay check.  I am here, with them, because I honestly care about them and their future. I will not be satisfied in reaching only one or two students. I want to reach them all. My goal is to touch their lives, their minds, and their futures. So, professionally I had many 'aha' moments.


On a personal level I would say my aha moments were:


As a final year student I attended a study method course. It changed my life! I learned about brain profiling and how we all learn differently. I passed that year with the highest marks ever! (My mom always felt so sorry for me. As a child with an IQ off scale why did I battle to study and score so low? I learn differently. That’s the reason). I now use this knowledge whenever I deal with teacher training, working with students or empowering parents.


As a remedial teacher specialist I could see how frustrating it was for remedial students to learn basic concepts.  I created with a software programmer in 2001-2005 a maths, reading and spelling software program. It’s simple but profound. To see that light goes on in a student’s eyes were beyond 'aha'! (The company was sold for a massive price.)


After my divorce I found that I was seeking the approval and advice from others. People who love you will not give you a negative response. My 'aha' moment arrived when I realised this and instead asked myself what I wanted in life.

With her favourite painting....

 
Regret/s in life


I regret that it took me this long to understanding the concept of transformation. I divorced in 2000.


Before my divorce I was angry and upset. All my husband had to do is to make a conscious choice to change the things he did. He didn’t change and we ended up getting divorced. My life changed the day I realised to take responsibility for my part in the marriage failing. I learned that understanding is love’s other name, that to love another means to fully understand his or her suffering.


Understanding, after all, is what everybody needs (I know this from working as special education needs coordinator) — but even if we grasp this on a hypothetical level, we usually get too caught in the smallness of our fixations to be able to offer such expansive understanding. Let me illustrates this through a metaphor:


If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink.


The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer.


We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change (like what I wanted my husband to do, change). But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. Through my painful divorce I’ve learned to accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.
 
Your advice to young women who are attempting to choose a career for themselves?


Coming from South Africa cultural diversity is important to me. Diversity provides a lesson for each of us to be okay with and open to those things that set us apart (not apartheid) – race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, physical and mental ability, language (the list goes on) and understanding and accepting of people for who they are.


With the new democracy in South Africa (23 years ago) now I’ve learned that being culturally aware provides an opportunity to stand back and consider that there are certain backgrounds, personal values, beliefs and upbringings that shape the things we all do. Something that is considered inappropriate behaviour in one culture may be perfectly appropriate in another.


Learning about other cultures helps us relate to one another and be okay with different perspectives.


I saw this quote on a poster recently, and it’s stuck with me. “Diversity is the one true thing we have in common.” Now that’s something to embrace.
 
Biggest strength and weakness


My spirit is beautiful. I never judge people and I always treat others the way I want to be treated myself. My friends and family value me because of my loyalty and my flexibility. And when I meet new people they are impressed by my reliability. These words truly capture the essence of my spirit.


I would say that my biggest strength is that I’m emotionally connected to my work and success. My success is the result of my resiliency and that I love what I’m doing.


At the same time this becomes my weakness. I tend to work very long hours, you could say I’m a workaholic. I avoid burnout, however, because I love what I do.

Four years ago... when she set foot in Dubai

 
10 years from now, how do you see yourself?


As Morpheus in 'The Matrix' says: “You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”
I choose the red pill, because I intend to stay in this land of Divine Wonder that God has given us, as God’s plan for inclusion is revealed, to see just how far the rabbit hole goes.


In 10 years I’ll be radically inclusive because we have been radically included. It links with my life purpose: To care deeply, connect playfully, love intensely, and share generously. To joyfully explore, learn, grow, and prosper. And to creatively, brilliantly, and honourably serve the highest good of all.