I’ve decided to get off my arse

So am I. Only as I can be.

Hard on the outer, soft in the inner and soppy in between, with the crust almost shedding in indignation as the trespassers slither their way deeper within. They dodge me with menace with every attempt I make to aim at their horns.

Yes, they have a pair and some even pairs – sharp, pointed and dangerously positioned to pierce through me. And lo! there I’m lost. Guess, that’s why people ask me to shut up. Those near ignore me and those afar thank their stars and others sent me notes with asterisks, which I take time to count and deduce what they mean. Crazy me!

But for all the brain cells in me, [yes, I do have them, too] I cannot figure to which part of me they want to cause harm to. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, sexual…am I missing any al? Okay, et al…In case I discover some by the end of this.

If at all I get to the end, that is. My ToDo list is cracking my wrist and stiffening my shoulders. But surprisingly it’s also aching my back, which I thought had long ago parted ways with me. Oh my, sweet arse, thank you for bearing me all these years!

There I hear! Gedupp!

This is the sound I am tired of hearing. Loud most times, feeble at times. From where, is what I fear. May be those creepers inside me are barking for not praising them enough! How can I? All they do at all times is stand on their heads and gnaw my insides, asking me to get up.

What do they know of my work load? I have to take care of my family, friends, community, even foes. I have to work to keep my mom happy, dad satisfied, brother smiling, and those cousins’ egos well-fed. I have work at my desk, on my colleagues’ mind and in my boss’s plans. I have work at home, in the kitchen sink, at the study table, in the living room and even bedroom.

But today, I used the trick I learnt at my workplace - Speak more. Work less. I took time to speak to the trespassers yelling at me from within. I tricked them by describing the colourful world outside and persuaded them into stepping out. “Don’t be holed up inside a woman. The world outside is beautiful”, I sang to them.

And they ran away…stupid fellows.

Now, let me get up. As in GET UP. And fill my insides with what I love to hear, with deeds that will radiate into hues that I love to see myself in.

It already feels nice. I feel great. Actually, those fellows were not illegally occupying my insides, yeah. I had allowed them in. Ah! There I go. It was me trespassing on my poor dumb and mute arse all these years.  How long? No guesses, please. I’m forever young… 32 at heart, 24 in mind and 36 in spirit!

 

Cheers!

Scene 1: A Character in office packs to leave early, because he has an evening flight to take.

Scene 2: A Character in office prepares to leave early, because he has an evening flight to take.

Can you identify the characters?

If you have got the answers, you may please get about your work.

If you have not, then carry on reading to find out how to add flesh and bones to give faces, torso, limbs, toenails [please leave the soul aside] to these characters.

First step is to spot the difference in the two sentences. The word ‘packs’ is replaced with ‘prepares’.

Noticed?

Yep. Character in Scene 1 invariably only packs up. Right from the moment he occupies his chair all he does is pack.

If there is an interesting cricket or soccer match, he packs up within an hour of making his presence felt.

If he has a parent-teacher meeting at his child’s school, he packs up immediately after breakfast.

If he has a board meeting, he packs up two days before with files and projects…

PREPARED by others.

Now if the others fail to prepare, will he miss his board meeting? Probably yes. But he still does his job of packing up. He simply packs the OTHERS up.

Got the characters? Please feel free to replace the He with She.

 

Just in case you are curious to know what inspired me to write this. Well, it’s a real-life situation. I will not name the boss or the employee. The employee submits his request for annual leave thrice in six months. The Boss finds excuses ‘valid’ enough to have him postpone each time. Finally, when his leave is granted, he books a flight on his last working day so as to avail the maximum hours at his destination.

That morning: As the employee is all excited chatting up his colleague, he receives an email.

XXXXX,

Pls look into the attached files.  Also ensure the admin department’s issue is closed today.

And, yeah inform the team that I’ll be back next week. I’m off for a much-needed break.

Have a safe trip.

Cheers

XX