Karan Johar
is making headlines yet again. This time for his memoir 'Unsuitable Boy', which
perhaps aims to inform all those who have been living under a bed without ideas
about him and Bollywood.
I haven't
read the book yet. I don't know if I would anytime soon either, because others' pillow whispers
do not entice me.
However, the
book's title seduced me. If I were to write my memoir anytime, I could easily
borrow from his title, because often times I've wondered if I'm a normal common
wife or a weirdo. And the fact is I can't subscribe to any one of the social
definitions of a wife.
For
instance, kitchen is my favourite place at home. Like all dutiful wives, I
understand.
I love it spacious,
open and inviting in all white, candle lit and smelling of pink roses at all
times. How I love a book case, beside a huge glass window and me munching on
cookies in PJs reading my fav authors slumped on the kitchen floor. The very
thought turns me on. Seriously.
Well
equipped, yes. All gadgets sleekly accommodated, please. A table with fresh
flowers and birds-chirping music playing all-day long.
As for
dishes, I love it all in porcelain. I'm fine with any cuisine. Thai, Indian,
Chinese, Arabic, Italian... as long as it's ready-to-eat and am served.
So...
My parents
never considered it important to teach me kitchen skills and my mom-in-law
never bothers. The husband has always been absolutely adjustable. He can
survive on bananas and dates and make his own stuff. So I never bothered to
care.
I hate
planning meals in advance. Most often, I order food on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Eat out on Fridays. Cook on Saturdays, rest on Sundays and go instant on
Mondays.
I had
friends who took cookery classes before their wedding. It's time I check on
them to see how different is their married life from mine. And then I have elderly
cousins, who advice me on a wife's responsibilities about feeding her family.
Now, this gets
me to the other so-called wifely duty - Maintaining relations. Calling up both families
and asking upon their well-being at regular intervals. Parents and in-laws alone
won't suffice. Chacha, mama, mami, ammai, tintu, mintu, chiku... the whole
bandwagon. All well? How are you all? Is your nose running still? Did aunty go
for her massage? Is uncle's gastro smelling bad... please!
Oh yes, and
you need to know the aunt of your cousin's mother-in-law's third uncle's wife. If
you do not recognise the person, you had it. First they attempt helping you
recollect. Can't you remember, we had gone down north, along the road, by the
paddy field, to a granny's house for her fourth daughter's third child's naming
ceremony. That time, there, one person came to you and spoke. How can you
forget him? Such as big man he is, and you forgot him!
All the
chinus and minus and unis and ponies, young and old - I love them all. And respect
a few who deserve it. But communication I reserve to my convenience. For two
reasons: 1) Not with everyone can I have a conversation beyond a limit without
losing my sanity. 2) Therefore, if I happen to speak only to a select few then
like wild fire the news spreads 'Nisha calls them not us!'
So I play
fair. Meet and greet and mind my step. And if you thought social media makes communication
easier? That's a circus at a different level. Emojies and a husband are the
perfect partners to my rescue.
Well, so
that gets me to the point. Am I a suitable wife?
I asked my
girl. "Do you think mama is a suitable wife?" [I started explaining
to her the context but she was aware of Karan Johar's book already. My baby is
growing up fast]
"Well,
mama, no one can be perfectly suitable!"
Aawwe! my
baby! I got up to hug her, when she said, "except for my papa, who is 10
on 10, always!"