Am I a good mom?

The husband wasn’t in his elements since a week. As the day drew close, he switched off, his diet parted ways, and as the clock started ticking he used the washroom more, too.

Our baby was going to travel alone. Her first international travel solo @13!

I attempted to be busy so as not to affect her and maintain some semblance at home. But my girl was as chirpy and lively as only she can be. Busy packing, repacking, modelling and making mock videos like her current favourite YouTuber Zoella.

The better part on the day of travel I spent reminding her to keep the passport safe, the keys, phone… which she dismissed with the same air as she does my finish-your-cornflakes-make-your-bed-put-your-stuff-back… instructions.

Finally at the airport… I had to ask for a hug. “Oh mama! You want a huggie,” she said and wrapped her long arms around me saying, “be a good girl, mama!” And she walked off excitedly, while I stood silently praying to the Divine to keep her safe.

 

At the airport...before I could ask for a hug

I returned home and sat wide awake into the wee hours until the take-off time. Later, my friend laughed, asking: “Crazy you. Didn’t you have an early morning the next day…”

But crazy and more I am. I was. And I will be.

Over a decade back, in 2002, on a chilly December night I stood weeping at the Dubai airport watching my one-year-old being carried away from me. Those were the years when the system had failed me. And people, too. Women especially. But none saw my tears. That I was determined about. Not even my family.

With no visa to sponsor our baby, we decided to let my mom take her while I stayed back to switch job. The toughest decision I have taken to date. I was called a hard-hearted person; accused of being too selfish… “Career can be made later. Not kids,” said a friend. A woman colleague even exclaimed, “Are you a mother!”

The taunts haven’t stopped. Even now old-timers find me a classic example for anything related to motherhood. One of them said at a recent gathering, “Nisha! she’s a different make. Imagine staying away from your newborn…” the laughter and expert comments at the lunch table continued, while I switched off as I’ve mastered that art effectively over the years.

But my mastery makes all know-it-all-women believe I deserve their advice. When my girl was asking her dad a doubt in Math, a friend who was at home, said: “Why are you wasting her time with subjects like algebra… children need to do what they love to do…” I can’t remember if I laughed.

On another occasion, on hearing my girl talk about her classmates, she spat, “Take her away from that damn school! Why don’t you put her in…”

Every time, I am privy to such accusatory comments, I wait for the night to fall, when my girl comes over to give me her good-night kiss. Those nights I hug my baby tight and thank the Divine for giving me such a wonderful child. I turn over, pretending sleep, so she walks off to her bedroom quickly. And then I let it flow under the covers….silently… I’ll let the world spew on me. I’ll soak it all in…silently... praying my baby blooms into a beautiful lady with a heart to understand people, women, especially!

Today is not my day!

I don’t care if people find me smart or inept

Call me rude, polite or modest

I’ve played the roles as the world defined

For over three long decades

And let honour, love and betrayal

All take their toll on me

Lack of identity and living others’ lives

Was my doom, I learnt

It’s only when I shed them all

That I was re-born a

WOMAN!

That was not a moment, nor a day

It was a process, a gradual evolution

It is a feeling, a sensation

I experience every waking second

Now I am a daughter, sister, mom, wife

Neighbour, citizen, colleague and more

But I live as ME in all my roles

I love myself and celebrate my uniqueness

Every single day and night

And not on just March the 8^th!

You are the biggest fool, I'm told

A fushia Barbie bag, crispy uniform, new shoes and freshly-wrapped texts which were a source of infectious excitement for the last few days at home lost its sheen last night.

With the new academic session beginning today, I thought I had a situation on hand to diffuse for I almost believed my child was getting the blues the previous night.

I decided to give her some pep talk. So sat her beside me and began playing the mother hen to perfection. "It doesn't matter if all your friends are not in your class. You can still meet them during recess...we'll invite them home...this is life...you will have to shift schools, cities..."

The expression-less countenance of my daughter worried me, and I decided to change the topic totally. I started on Earth Hour assuming to getting her to speak up and then gradually tackling the school issue, when she said: "It is of no use. Street lights will be on. Metro stations, airports, shopping malls all such places will have light. Everybody will be watching TV now. Especially tonight, because it's the last day of holiday. They are fools. They should cut off power to save energy. Asking people to volunteer will not help.”

Ok, so whoever the 'they' are, my child was substantially updated. Grabbed my opportunity and said: "Wow! so you know all about Earth Hour. It's a shame that such a smart girl is sad about starting school tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I asked Papu. He explained it to me. And who told you I'm sad? I'm feeling bad. Not sad. As if we are all fools. If they have given us almost three weeks holiday, they could have given us one more day, isn't it? Why re-open on Fools Day?"

"Oh! that's just another day. Nothing great,"I said. 

"So Mother's Day, Teacher's Day, Children's Day, Women's Day are just other days? We make cards and wish people. Each day has a meaning.”

"Of course, yes. But this Fool's Day has no meaning. It's just a fun day, when you play pranks on others," I said.

"Playing prank is the activity of this day. That I know. But why is it called Fool's Day? If it's only about playing pranks then we can call it Fun Day. Why Fool's Day?"

Now I was getting into tough waters. "Well, that I don't know. I'll check and let you know. But am sure it has no significant history to its origin," I stressed.

"Have you made fools of friends?" When I replied in the affirmative she wanted to know how many times and when, where and whom all.

After I recalled a couple of instances when we really freaked out in college, and thought the topic was done with, she quipped: "You know what mama, you are the biggest fool I've ever seen in my life."

"How weird. For so many years you've celebrated this Fool's Day without knowing why you are doing it. Why didn't you ask your parents or teachers? My ma'am said, 'Copying is bad, but if you have to copy then at least use your brains. Copying without understanding is foolish’!"

PS: Meanwhile, let me Google.

*****************************

01-04-2014 
I did the Googling today... check this link for why we celebrate April Fool's Day.... http://bit.ly/1kmbI0B

Holiday activity... Nail art

 You may want to know one other time when I had felt foolish...http://bit.ly/1kmaYsk