The morning I worried if my baby reached school…

[Before I get into the incident, a quick backgrounder… 1) Sanjeev was travelling, and as I leave for work before our young lady takes the school bus, clear instructions to her is to call me once she boards the bus. 2) She makes no bones that she’s crazy about her dad and doesn’t shy away from announcing it]

 

Bed-time selfie after a busy day

Okay, so yesterday morning I was busy at work, and it was only by 6.50am that I realized I didn’t hear from my baby. Called her. She didn’t answer. I made at least 5 more calls in vain.

I then expected her to mail me. [As she does on days she stays back in school unscheduled]

I know she is an independent and capable girl, yet I was restless. I was confident she was safe, yet I was getting edgy. I knew she would not like me checking on her, yet I wanted to…

So after about two hours of waiting, at 8.45 I rang up the school and requested the receptionist if they could have her call me. [Now, the shame in me didn’t let me reveal that I was checking if my child had reached school]

9.05am I get my baby’s first mail. Here it’s verbatim... 

I'm in school. Don't worry.....
Couldn't call you ‘cause there was no credit in the phone.
Got to know that only in the bus stop. So I thought I would send you a mail after getting to school. But there was choir and people asking for books and stuff. So I couldn't send it.
I'm sooooooooooooo SORRY.......
Don't be mad.
I love you
A lot
Bye
You are a VERY sweet person ALL the time.
Love you.............
Love you more........................

3 minutes later, I get another mail… 

You sure you're not mad??
‘Cause I feel really bad and sad.
But I love you
A lot
You know??
I love you more than papa ;)
Byeeeeee
See you at home......

O! My sweet baby!!

I rushed back home to make her favourite pasta. Welcomed her with an apology for not realizing she didn’t have credit on her phone.

“That’s fine Mamma. It happens,” said my baby kissing me. I hugged her tight, saying, “Love you baby!

“Love you, too, Mamma!” she cooed.

“You know what, I made your fav pasta today,” I announced overwhelmed with emotions.

“That’s for the phone card?”

“Wwhhat!”

“Nothing Mamma. I love you.”

As I stood serving her, I heard, “…But not as much as Papa!”

“But that’s not what you wrote to me this morning.” 

 “Oh that! That came from the keyboard Mamma, not my heart!”

Mom’s quandary: A question I don’t have an answer to

 

Birthday girl ready for school

Okay. So this is me. As in, me, myself, because I do not have answers to [read hate to address] some questions.

I celebrated 12 years of motherhood yesterday.

It was wonderful. I woke up, got into my slippers, switched on the heater, washed my face, brushed… did all the rest like anyone else’s all other days... then plonked on the sofa and my man gave me my undoable cup of hot tea. I gave him company before waking up our excited girl.

The dad handed over the gifts and I cheered. Unbelievable excitement followed and I ran to grab the camera to capture her wide eyes popping out wider as she unwrapped the first one. By the second one, I heard a voice in me ‘you idiot don’t lose the moment’, so I handed over the camera in reliable hands.

Being a special day, I didn’t have to pack breakfast. Gave the birthday girl some cash to enjoy with her friends. Used that time to scrub my feet and posed beside my beautiful girl, who by then had helped herself into her B’day gear.

Then set about to execute The Mom’s duty.

Drove her to school… as in sat along with her in the car… and again walked along rubbing her waist. At the steps, I did the honours of taking each item from the dad and stringing it up on her. First strapped the bag on her back, then adjusted her pull-over and set her hair. Then handed over the chocolate box, and finally, precariously placed the box of cake on her other forearm and kissed her a good day.

Meanwhile, my dear friend had volunteered to bake cakes to celebrate the birthday. I being me myself, I said, “yes, please. Drop in at your convenience and I’ll have the things ready.”

She was on the dot. And the oven was in the pack. Had to be installed. Did the only thing I do in times of emergencies. Dialled my man’s number. Assured it’ll be done, I asked her to get, set, start.

That’s when my friend asked for ingredients. So very kind of her, I happily agreed when she volunteered to buy the same for me.

My lil girl’s excitement knew no bounds and she already smelled cupcakes. She recited the list of  how many she’ll give her best friend the next day and how many she’ll save for the weekend party and how unbelievable it is and…I couldn’t ask her to shut up as it was her day!

“Get the moulds ready.”

“For what”, I asked busy clearing the dishes.   

“Oh mama!. Where are you lost”! sighed my girl.

“But…aa..moulds..”

“You didn’t buy Mo..o..u..lll..dds!!!! Wwhhoaat!!! And you set out to bake!!!! Mammmaa!

I had taken a day off from work, to make the day special for my girl!

PS: At night when she kissed me goodnight, I said, “We’ll do the baking next week darling. So your birthday celebration will last that much longer, too. Isn’t that exciting!”

“Yeeaah! How cool no!” She hopped off, with a zillion springs in her steps at that wee hour. At the door, she turned to ask, “But mama, why do you hate cooking so much?”

Morally conscious papas and mamas @ work

Becoming a parent is bliss. The act of nurturing the bundles into young adults is a blessing.

Tradition, culture, values, beliefs, faith, empowerment, education, vocation, passion… name it, we guide our kids the best way we can in all ways we can at all times we can until we ever can. I know of mamas and papas who are so obsessed with parenthood that honorary doctorates would fall short for their priceless research on offspring rearing. From the best curriculums, the best teaching methods, the best schools in towns, the best extra-curricular activities that can put the kids directly on that spaceship…they know the best.

Here are some comments of such ethically and morally conscious parents I have been privy to.

“Oh! **** ***school. I don’t like that. Have you seen their uniform? You just need to look at the way those students walk.”

“I’ll never look at *****. Do you know they hire housewives as teachers there?”

‘Children should settle abroad. They have no future in India.’

Interestingly, these are parents extraordinaire who will wash down culture, manners, ethics and morals down their kids’ esophagus with their daily Bournvita.  Check these out…

“I punish my son, if he doesn’t do his bed every morning before going to school.”

“I call my neighbour’s kids every weekend to play with my daughter. It’s important she learns to share her toys and space.”

“I ensure my girl washes her undergarments herself.”

“I reward my son with an ice-cream every Sunday, if he keeps his toys in place through the week.”

Courtesy: TFW

Now, these mamas and papas after disciplining their wards and planning for their future, when they turn up at workplaces, play brooders. Place a clutch of eggs under them and rest assured your tea-time sandwich is taken care of.

The office boy should collect the print-outs from the printer. ‘That’s his job’, they remind you and yell,  ‘where the hell is that idiot!’

He should offer coffee, guessing their sugar swings, at regular intervals without being told. That’s his job. ‘How many years, you’ve been giving me coffee. You still can’t get it right!’

The cleaner should wash their lipstick-kissed or cigarette-smelling cups after their last sip. That’s his job. Otherwise, the stained cups will accumulate beside their keyboard for days!

If newcomers commit an error, they are corrected loudly and clearly. ‘We also started like this!’

If juniors show enthusiasm, then they are passively bullied. ‘He needs to be shown his place now, else tomorrow he’ll shit on our scalp!’

Once they are done with disciplining co-workers they get down to executing their own future plans…They will block all calendar holidays in advance and if an emergency befalls any colleague during their pre-planned holiday, they will fall ill with a contagious disease!

And, yes, when they sense work pressure increasing or deadlines nearing, their kids would be performing in a surprise orchestra and they would have to be present at school right away...'to boost their morale'!

M...orally-conscious florals!

An embarrassing moment

A lanky girl walked towards the bulletin board of her school reception, towing her sturdy dad. Though she was confident of making it to Grade 8, there was one other hurdle she had to cross. As per the convent rules then, parents were required to meet the previous year's class teacher and collect the detailed progress card before their wards could begin the next academic year.

Her Grade 7 class teacher, looked at her dad and said, "For all the trouble she gave me in Social Studies, she's managed to pass with a distinction."

Except for the Himalayas, which she was eager to spot at the top of the India map, she dreaded marking anything else. Kaveri, Godavari and Brahmaputra flowed adjacently, states trespassed into one another, too. "When will you get it right?" her teacher sighed each time. Now that same teacher was smiling. "I'm surprised. How did you do it?" she asked.

And the girl was relieved that her customised recipe of taking photographic images of lessons were yielding results at last.

Her tryst with geography had begun then! [She refuses to share the date.]

She simply learnt by rote and vomited on demand, imbibing images of letters, without understanding. At times it back-fired. For instance, she lost marks in Grade 10 public examination because she mistook Green Revolution for Glorious Revolution! So what if one was Geography and the other History; both were Social Studies for her! 

********

Two years later, she no more had the comfort of dedicated and secured transportation. On her first day to college, her over-protective dad accompanied her explaining to her bus numbers, names of stops, alternative routes, etc.

As they got off the at the college stop her dad stood her and said, "Look around. See there's that bridge that goes down there. Take left just before that, and keep walking until you see the gifts shop from where you'll turn left again and you'll see your college. Simple."

"All the stops in the city look the same," she said, to which her dad replied, "It's just a matter of few days, you'll master it. Look out for this huge Raymond hoarding."

She looked up hard and long at the hoarding. Clicked in her mind the size, shape and even the height at which it was placed. The Raymond's model became her knight in shining armour.

Almost eight months later, one morning she noted the bus was unusually less crowded. When the bus got on to an unfamiliar street, she asked the woman beside her, "Isn't this Bus No. 47." 

After a few moments of  awkward conversation, she was convinced that she had missed her college stop.

The Raymond model was replaced with a guy sporting a cowboy hat and cigarette between his lips.

She got to class two hours late.

That was the last she took photographic images.

********

 

A few years later, she enrolled for a professional course called journalism, to the utter dismay of her parents and bewilderment of her close friends.

 

Her first field assignment was to cover an Alliance Française event.

 

The following day, her professor announced in class, "In my 20 years of teaching experience, you are the only student I've seen who can score an A+ and a C- with equal ease."

[By the time, she managed to find the venue, the press conference was over. Her report had absolutely no facts.]

After that she always made arrangements to ride pillion with anyone who claimed to know the route.

********

That habit stayed with her. Married to a man with tremendous patience, she now  euphemised his virtue as her "love to be driven around".

"In a place like Dubai it is very easy to go about. Just follow signboards and remember landmarks," he instructed.

Returning from her first job interview, she told the cab driver, "Bur Dubai." He waited for more details and she remembered, yep landmark! "Near the mosque," she recited triumphantly.

He looked at her as if she were insane. "So many mosques here, madam," he said.

Thank God for small mercies. Mobile phones were invented by then.

So, thereafter, madam got her husband instruct cabbies!

********

Years passed by, when one day her daughter's friend wanted to visit. Her chirpy and cheerful little girl handed over the phone to her enthusiastically and whispered, "Shruti wants to come home to play. Her mother wants our location."

After the initial pleasantries with the other woman, she politely told her that she would be given a call to detail the route map in a minute.

Her little girl was grumpy and sullen suddenly.

"Your dad will call her right now. You will not waste even a minute of your playtime," she assured her child.

"It's not that. What will Shruti's mother think? That my mom is so dumb, she doesn't even know where she stays. It's so embarrassing..."

This time it was EMBARASSING!

PS: I wish not to know her. But if I deny knowing her then I'm not me!

 

You are the biggest fool, I'm told

A fushia Barbie bag, crispy uniform, new shoes and freshly-wrapped texts which were a source of infectious excitement for the last few days at home lost its sheen last night.

With the new academic session beginning today, I thought I had a situation on hand to diffuse for I almost believed my child was getting the blues the previous night.

I decided to give her some pep talk. So sat her beside me and began playing the mother hen to perfection. "It doesn't matter if all your friends are not in your class. You can still meet them during recess...we'll invite them home...this is life...you will have to shift schools, cities..."

The expression-less countenance of my daughter worried me, and I decided to change the topic totally. I started on Earth Hour assuming to getting her to speak up and then gradually tackling the school issue, when she said: "It is of no use. Street lights will be on. Metro stations, airports, shopping malls all such places will have light. Everybody will be watching TV now. Especially tonight, because it's the last day of holiday. They are fools. They should cut off power to save energy. Asking people to volunteer will not help.”

Ok, so whoever the 'they' are, my child was substantially updated. Grabbed my opportunity and said: "Wow! so you know all about Earth Hour. It's a shame that such a smart girl is sad about starting school tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I asked Papu. He explained it to me. And who told you I'm sad? I'm feeling bad. Not sad. As if we are all fools. If they have given us almost three weeks holiday, they could have given us one more day, isn't it? Why re-open on Fools Day?"

"Oh! that's just another day. Nothing great,"I said. 

"So Mother's Day, Teacher's Day, Children's Day, Women's Day are just other days? We make cards and wish people. Each day has a meaning.”

"Of course, yes. But this Fool's Day has no meaning. It's just a fun day, when you play pranks on others," I said.

"Playing prank is the activity of this day. That I know. But why is it called Fool's Day? If it's only about playing pranks then we can call it Fun Day. Why Fool's Day?"

Now I was getting into tough waters. "Well, that I don't know. I'll check and let you know. But am sure it has no significant history to its origin," I stressed.

"Have you made fools of friends?" When I replied in the affirmative she wanted to know how many times and when, where and whom all.

After I recalled a couple of instances when we really freaked out in college, and thought the topic was done with, she quipped: "You know what mama, you are the biggest fool I've ever seen in my life."

"How weird. For so many years you've celebrated this Fool's Day without knowing why you are doing it. Why didn't you ask your parents or teachers? My ma'am said, 'Copying is bad, but if you have to copy then at least use your brains. Copying without understanding is foolish’!"

PS: Meanwhile, let me Google.

*****************************

01-04-2014 
I did the Googling today... check this link for why we celebrate April Fool's Day.... http://bit.ly/1kmbI0B

Holiday activity... Nail art

 You may want to know one other time when I had felt foolish...http://bit.ly/1kmaYsk

I'm not a newage mother

Which polygon is not a quadrilateral among the below? Answers had four choices - a) a triangle [I immediately recognised]; b) a square that was tilted to the left and so I stared at it a bit; c) a box that looked more like a honeycomb; d) another one that looked like two umbrella canopies facing one another.

I shifted the book to the other hand a third time pretending to better study the shapes, when I heard. "I told you, you cannot understand such things," said my daughter rather miffed.

That statement challenged my dignity.

In that fraction of a second I even cursed myself for having volunteered to explain one of her math exercises. Wanted to play a responsible mother. That innocent a thought it was!

"What makes you say so? Of course, I know," I said and adopted my escape strategy. "Let me see if you understood the concept."

"Very clever, mamu."

Children will not only see through you but can also feel your insides out! Wonder if this is newage 'bonding'. Because in our days we never bonded like this with our parents.

Luckily I received a call and she grabbed the book back. Or did I hand it over?

I realised how far away I've come from the world of academics. I remember mugging up math theorems. I considered it a bane in high school and kicked it out at the first given opportunity.

Grabbed science and couldn't hold a balance upright straight and struggled with the doppler effects of physics for two years before hanging it up, too.

Embraced chemistry-botany-zoology combo only to realise I couldn't make sense of why monoxides should not have their molecules accompanying them in numericals; neither could I differentiate between a nerve and blood vessel inside a frog; and trying to remember botanical names of simple flowers was nerve-wrecking to say the least.

The only practical class I enjoyed and remember to date is preparing methyl acetate - because it is nail polish remover and I used it effectively then.

That evening as I sat nursing my bruised ego, I realised there was a moral to take from my wasted academic years - Do not learn things that you cannot put to practical use.

I ran my new awareness past my family [it was more an attempt to light-hearten the embarrassment of the situation] and quick came the reply: "You should study all subjects in school. Only then you will know what you are interested in."

Father patted daughter. I sat staring at the ceiling (as is happening more frequently of late).

"You know why she is getting philosophical? Because she doesn’t know the answer to one math question."

If only I could call her observation a wisecrack!