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Monday, March 24, 2014

Walking the talk - his way!

Here's an excerpt from Adi's diary about her husband...

Aditi hates exercising, while her husband is a health freak. One day Agneya Reddy asked her to join him for a leisurely walk. She eagerly did. No sooner they reached the nearby park than he started jogging and forced her to follow suit.

She protested, cribbed, and took at least 10 breaks and at last squatted down.

The rest is in her own words...


*************************

The following morning, after he left for work as I sat browsing the net and sipping coffee, I heard the doorbell ring. 

Two deliverymen with a huge parcel were requesting permission to walk in. “Sir asked to instal it in the TV room.”

I called up Agy. His secretary Sharon answered the call. “Mr Agneya Reddy’s phone.”

“Can I speak to him, please.”

“He’s in a meeting. May I take a message.”

“Can you ask him to call me back. It’s urgent. Aditi here.” 

 “O! Hello ma’am. He’s gone for a briefing session, so he left his mobile with me. Hang on a sec, I’ll get him online.”

Within a minute, Agy was online “Yes, Adi.”

“Some guys are here with a …”

“Yeah, that’s for you, my love.” And then I heard him say, “ Informed? Ok. I’m just there.”

“Hello..”

“Ah Adi, let them instal it in the TV room. I'll call you in 30 minutes. Love you.”

The deliveryman, I discovered was given detailed instructions. He knew where exactly to install it and what to be moved. He rearranged the entire room so that the treadmill was facing the home theater system.

Half-an-hour later, Agy called. “Treadmill instaled?”

“They are at it.”

“Good. Now my girl will exercise every day.”

“Did I ask you for this.”

“You will never. And getting you to jog outside is a herculean task. So I came up with the best solution.”

“Very smart.”

“Thank you. I know you are not happy. And it’s absolutely fine by me. Beginning today, my smart girl will exercise for an hour. You will have no excuse because you can do it at your convenience, watching your favourite programmes.”

“And if I don’t.” I was pissed off by his persistence.

“No dinner.”

“And it’s absolutely fine by me.” I mocked attempting to get his tone. His laugh, even over the phone can do wonders on me. “Well, my dear, it’s important you exercise. And the least you can do is walk an hour.”

“I’ll do after you come.”

“No. I’m having the spare guest room upstairs transformed into an in-house gym. We’ll replace the balcony wall with glass and that’ll give it a fantastic look, too. So once that’s ready, we can work out together. Until then you will walk an hour every day alone.” He said the last sentence slowly and deliberately.

“Hello…”

“What do you want.” I snapped and I heard him chuckle again.

“Be ready by 7pm. We’ll go out for dinner.”

“Bye.”

“Love you. Please smile.”

“No. Bye.” 

I was irritated by his audacity. What the heck, whatever he thinks has to be done. No way. At least today, he’s not having his way.

I decided to prepare an elaborate dinner.


**************

By 6pm vegetarian spring rolls; hot and sour soup; sesame chicken strips with sweet & sour dip; mixed fried rice and noodles were ready. As I was setting the table, in walked a beaming Agy. 

“Not ready? Let's go.”

"I’ve cooked an elaborate spread. Freshen up and come fast.”

“As you say.”

A little later, he was standing examining the table. “Wow! this is, indeed, elaborate Adi. I can’t wait. Where do I start?”

“Soup first. Oops, I’ll fetch the sauces,” I said and went into the kitchen as he picked up the soup bowls. But when I returned he was not there.

“Where are you?” 

“Gimme me a minute, dear.” He shouted from the bedroom.

“Adi, come with me,” he said taking me by the wrist after a while.

“Where? The soup will cold, Agy.”

“That can be reheated.” 

Shit! He was leading me to the TV room. 

“First walk for an hour and then dinner.” He said leaving me beside the treadmill and lowering himself into the sofa. “I’ll keep you company.” 

“I walked.”

“You did not.” He said with a don’t-fool-me smirk and shaking his head.

“I did,” I gave him a stern look.

“Well,” he crossed his legs over and folded his hands, and continued, “if you don’t walk, we both are going without dinner tonight. And I don’t want to do that because I’m eager to taste my Adi’s dishes. I’m famished.” 

“Let me play some music for you. What would you like to hear.”

“I have no likes. It’s always your likes and wants, right. Play whatever,” I snapped with a sullen face.

He got up with a what-will-I-do-with-you smile, lifted me onto the treadmill, timed it for 60minutes and kissed me. “Yep, here you go,” and pressed the start button. He returned to the sofa and sat watching me.

An hour later, dabbed in perspiration, I slumped on the sofa. He sat up to wipe my face and I shrugged him off.

I ate in silence, while he was his chirpy best.


************************

Back in the bedroom, the anger in me crept up, seeing him lying on the bed reading a book. “How did you know about my walking.”

“I know it all,” he said flashing his naughty smile. 

It should be her. I walked out quietly and knocked at our maid's door. The moment she opened the door, I snapped, “From when did you start reporting my matters to Agy.” She gave me a perplexed look. “I don’t like this.” I spat and returned to the bedroom. 

“Feeling better after taking it out on that poor woman," he asked as I climbed over. 

How does he know it always! "I'd gone to take my lens," I muttered. 

I saw him smirk and pick up his mobile. He dialled a number and put it on speaker between us. I heard Savitri’s voice on the second ring. “Yes, Sir.”

“Savitri, Adi is feeling bad about her behaviour just now. She wants to apologise…”

“…No sir, no, no. No problem. She’s a small girl, sir. No problem.”

“Thanks Savitri. Good night.”

I was fuming. “What the heck? I’m a small girl, eh. Small girl!”

“Well, you behave like one.” He said calm and composed.

“My foot I’ll apologise. You ask her to spy on me, so cheap.”

Clearly amused by my outburst, “You are such a kid, Adi. How closely have you observed this home, umm”.

He sat back looking at me, enjoying himself, as I was fuming with a mixed bag of emotions.

“Our home is webbed.” With that same soft look, he continued, “Each room has a camera…”

I was all alert. How did I not notice it all this while! 

“…Before you came, I hardly spent time in here. So for security reasons, I had them instaled.”

He paused. Then with a cheeky smile, added, “It came in handy only today, though...”

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

'Diaper man' teaching me how to walk

Now this is just freaking me out. After all these decades, I am told I don’t know to walk. I just can’t take the allegation either standing up or sitting down, worse still lying down! Because it comes from my trainer, who has promised to ease me off my perennial back ache. 

Like a toddler she teaches me how to walk correctly. Now. Now!!! Uh! 

At the Miracle Garden, unaware I wasn't walking right

“Heel first…no. Heel first. Tighten your core…knees straight..stamp…why is this…one more round…come on…”

Her explanation: I don’t distribute my weight equally on both legs, instead I sway my hips way too much stressing my lower vertebrae.

So much for the science of embarrassment! Just when I was learning to swallow my pride, there came another trainer who claims to have my best interests in mind – only because he knows my dad’s ancestral family. Now this is what I say blind affection, because I have no memories of my paternal grandparents.

Voluntarily promising to find me a solution, he just about stopped short of saying I look like a scare crow in a paddy field – ‘A pair of thin limbs supporting an upper half that is heavier in proportion, making you wobble, is one of the reasons for back ache.’

I wanted to grab a burqa and hide inside but I couldn’t jump off the treadmill. So I did the best I could. Looked around, ignoring him, pretending to be lost in thought. But lo! I saw no heads, no bodies, no hands, no monitors or equipment even. Just pairs of muscular sweaty thighs and derriere all around me that zoomed in and out with my steps!

I packed my bag and hurried out saying something like, “Oh! I didn’t realise my daughter will be back home early today.” [My little girl comes to my rescue at all times]

It was only after I saw some vehicles on wheels on the road that my vision regularised. Soon I remembered the rest of his prognosis. “You have broad hips. So it’s more important to have stronger legs…’

Did he actually say that! How I wish I had recorded it. At once I felt feminine. Back home, I locked myself in the bedroom and stood before the mirror. Desperate I even jumped up and walked back and turned around, studying my hips from all possible angles.

An anxious husband began knocking, wanting to know what I’m up to. And I selectively told him only the compliment.

With the casualness of dismissing a fly, the husband replied, “Ah! that guy confused your waist for hip.”

Seeing my man stifle a smile, I seethed in silence or so I thought…

…‘Uh!..judging my steps. He walks as if he’s got diapers between his legs and teaching me! And that woman, how dare she…’

“Who mama?” I was jolted awake by my amused girl beside me. “Who is the diaper man?”

The dad replied: “You don’t know beta. That’s mama’s grandfather’s neighbour’s sister’s son’s nephew’s…”

Dad and daughter enjoyed another evening…at my expense!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

When I met Chetan Bhagat


I met the man, the brand, who allegedly has the power to change this generation*! He never claims as much, as he seems to bask in the aphorism. 

I walked into his talk show, which claimed I would be pepped up. ‘An inspirational evening with Chetan Bhagat’, that’s what it was titled. So I looked for anything that lifted the throbbing wobbly parts of myself no sooner I stepped into the extravagant Ritz Carlton. A chilled drink did the best it could and a friendly hostess did some more to pacify the vengeful sinus-vertigo aliens unhappy with me not pampering them. 

Soon, the man with about 2.3 million Twitter followers and 4.2 million FB fans walked in escorted by two women. 

What did I expect! 

Well, he took the stage and started with a disclaimer. “I will not give advices. Especially for this audience… if you’ll can afford to be here, you’ll don’t need my advice… so I’ll speak of my life.”

Some connect there!

Soon I was left wondering why the PowerPoint presentation. But I almost forgave him, when I heard his confession of having to do certain things against his better judgement in public domain. Like how he ‘fights’ on News channels when the hyper host poses questions such as ‘The nations says this about you. What would you say Chetan Bhagat?” And he lets go…

Point noted!

Having goals is crucial to living life, he continued. When he became a full-time writer his first goal was to challenge publishers who rejected his manuscripts. And thus he began urging NRIs to challenge themselves. “NRIs only exist…they lack the zing in them..” With annually increasing bank balances, bigger homes and sending kids go to the best institutions, NRIs "pull on" and "go on". He called on all to chase their dreams.

My fav topic! I was all ears

That’s when I heard him say his dream was to be a househusband. Some laughs, muffled and modest followed when he delivered the age-old mom-in-law and wife jibes. He went on to recommend how important it is to ‘under-promise and over-deliver’, and gave the example of his  upcoming movie ‘2 States’ – based on his autobiographical book by the same name. 

Okay!

“Form partnerships, cultivate patience, be humble…” were his tips for success. His political allegiance to BJP and reasons for him thrashing the fledgling AAP was also clarified in the process.

By now I was slouched in my chair!

“I have travelled to more than 100 cities and interact with about 5 crore people currently…”

I lost the connect!

And so, I asked, “Would you have taken the decision to give up your job had your wife not been a successful professional?” Without batting an eyelid, he replied, “No. I would have never taken such a decision had I not been supported.”

I sat up.

“You are one of the most criticized authors. How do you tackle that?” Again, without taking as much a second, he replied, “You just learn to deal with it.”

How!!!

The hows were missing. The ‘H’ that will elevate people; that which will differentiate a well-orchestrated show from that of a Wikipedia evening; that which will add the zing he alleges is missing in NRIs; that which will pep up aspirants and wannabes; that which will fuel those revving up on their tracks towards their dreams…

The trials and tribulations during his incubation period, the brick bats he battled; his mental, emotional state when overcoming them; his modus operandi…is what the audience would have taken home and adopted and remembered when they feel low and seek to get out of the mundane rut.

Nevertheless, I did connect. His honesty vowed me. So did his humbleness. As when he answered my direct query about quitting his job, looking me in the eye. As when he spoke of giving his kids middle-class values. As when he said family is the base, everything else is secondary…

A connect lies in the ears of the audience, as with the heart of the speaker… provided there are no expectations!

There I go… so what did I expect? To see a brand named Chetan Bhagat. And I only saw a human in flesh! 

You may want to read more Chetan Bhagat related posts:

Chetan Bhagat's dream for us: 
http://nishasanjeev.blogspot.ae/2012/09/chetan-bhagats-dream-for-us.html

Who must do books? 
http://nishasanjeev.blogspot.ae/2012/01/who-must-do-books-chetan-baghat-has.html
 

PS: [*Meghnad Desai called this the Chetan Bhagat generation]

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Who let the wolves in?

I woke up seeing red. A colour I see often in my effort to keep the wolf off my door!

 

Is it the wolves splashing them or me imagining?

I leave it you all to find out.

Meanwhile, I’m determined from the previous moment not to refurbish the muck they spew!

So I stop. Good day friends!

PS:  A clue to help you find the answer...I let them in. Phew!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Of sarees, women and me

Survived a dampener of a weekend that saw me as usual rev up my hopes to fit the bill, only to unwind wondering when I will at last do it. Rev up the self, all by myself. And let go. Go by myself…to where I always saw myself with a care to the tongues…
All set for the women-only affair
After more than a decade in this glamorous city, I draped the nine yards for a Hindu ritual, and felt honoured to be invited. Felt beautiful, too. A saree makes one feel so! It hides your flaws and moods as well!

But when I soon learnt it was an exclusively all-women evening and bitterly let the better-half wander around, I was once again reminded I am one less on the feminine gene. Like a square peg in the round hole I endured the chatter, banter, howls and squeals of married women until I thanked the host and sneaked out after a respected show of guest etiquette.

Some women never grow up!

There’s nothing a sound sleep can’t fix. But, soon I was again reminded that feminine ego is just one oo..aaw! that can’t be lullabied. I willingly endured more of the I-am-the-best stuff. Everything from kids’ education to TV soaps and how to breathe right, the importance of each topic can be correctly ascertained only by my ilk. Even my man who tires people with his details fails on this count!

Some women never give up!

Well, here I stand after my weekend sucking my toes and nails up until the sole that I feel my feet in my epiglottis.

I am SUFFOCATING!

Every weekend I rev myself up, all by myself. And decide to let go. Go by myself…to where I always saw myself with a care to the tongues…And then…
The week begins, yet again. I survive it the same way yet again.

Bloody, it’s time I grew up and garnered the courage to just give up!

I am a woman, too!

I am SUFFOCATING!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The day I failed…

The day I failed, I remembered the lost year! 372 days I wasted, abusing my true purpose... Ignoring the journey I set out on…

Delivering the prepared speech at this year's annual contest
A senior-most distinguished person came to me and said, “Well done.” A judge came to me and said, “It was a unique delivery. You were different.” Several co-contestants gave me a thumps-up. Many in the audience walked over to say, “I enjoyed…” “It was amazing…” “You were humourous…”  “It was excellent…” “You were the best…”

“I was the best,” I thought. I believed and had reasons to believe that I was the best speaker – or at least one of the best - of a prepared speech on that eventful day at my local club.

I had the language and a well-worded original script chiseled to score judges’ points. In fact, I was lauded for the first two attributes… and so I had a reason to…

I also had another reason… My belief in Him!

And so…I felt let down. Only so I felt let down.

But then, there was an unprepared, semi-impromptu speech segment, too, which I attempted without confidence and was declared the second runner-up.  A request I had put forth to Him, as well. Just for the heck of it!

And so…I felt let down. Only so I felt let down.

Last year, in the same annual contest, I was one of the winners in the prepared speech category. But due to an emergency, I couldn’t take the journey ahead. I eagerly waited for this year.

And so…I felt let down. Only so I felt let down.

About 36 hours later, I heard snippets of my voice from the numerous conversations I’ve had with several members of my club over the last two years… “The day I’m comfortable with myself, I’ll quit…”; “I’m not interested in posts and elections in the club…”; “I’m here for a selfish reason…”; “I am not interested in the club hierarchy nor am I interested in learning the ACB, DCB or XYZzzzz requirements of progression…”

Then that day came nudging me. The day I decided to join a Toastmaster’s club in the neighbourhood. I once again felt the same pain I did then. And soon I felt the frustration that I experienced on several occasions since then.

OMG! How did I forget my goal! And…I felt at ease.

I regret wasting one whole year, waiting for a contest. But it’s never late to learn a lesson…Or rather reminded of that one lesson that’s so easily forgotten…

If your desire is strong, HE will see you remain on track and achieve what you have set out to do. No matter what people say; no matter what their advices are; no matter how they judge you; no matter how many times you get blinded by the roadside temptations and veer off…

Thank You to the divine for this experience!

[Click here to read how I began my journey... My first speech]








Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A cinema date with the husband


Chilling it out after the cinema fiasco... Dubai winter lifts your spirits  
There is no new beginning, as I had mentioned in my previous post, yet there is that much to renew or start over again or anew.  It’s just in your mind’s eye.

So to begin with, I skimmed through last year's posts and discovered that a flimsy one on husband-wife relationship did the most numbers. [Click here to read] As much as I am thankful to the readers for visiting my page, I owe an apology to each one for dishing out such a half-baked stuff over the top of my keyboard for some sadistic pleasure.

Now, taking the pleasure forward sans the sad-ticks, here I am to say it the way I see it. No malice, no prejudice, intended. It’ll be only me ticking the wry thoughts off anyone and anything that eeks…

Well, one look around my workplace in the New Year and I see…

Pretenders still whiling their time ‘n’ workaholics still sweating their arse…

Drama queens continuing to squeal their presence ‘n’ self-proclaimed kings dicing cubes…

I continue to have loads of entertainers around!

That reminds me, I started the year at the cinema with my lovely girl, my loving man and my lol-of-a-friend.

We headed to one of the oldest cinema houses in Dubai, which is two-tiered, and located on the busiest streets of the city. A place I’ve frequented a dozen times over.

The show started at 7.30pm and we landed there sharp 7.40pm. We three pretty women hopped out at the entrance and dashed to the counter as the husband went parking.

With an ear on the dialogues booming inside, another replying to the incessant jabber of my girl, one eye at the closed door and another at the ticket issuer, I folded my thumb inside my palm and lifted four fingers of my right hand against the glass window, with the left placating my tummy that was rising and falling from the inadvertent exercise of rushing in.

Did he ask for cash? I can’t exactly remember, nevertheless I forwarded Dh100… not knowing any better.

The considerate security urged me to go in saying I’ve already missed more than 10 minutes of the movie. “What’s your husband’s name? Just leave one ticket with me, madam.” And he directed me into the dark hall.

Within minutes, my man arrived. I cozied up closer but found him unusually hot.

“Why the hell are you in here?” he hissed amid the blaring sound.

“You dropped me on the street for a stroll!” I teased

“Look at the crowd…and…the seats...this…our neck will pain…” he was visibly irritated attempting to position his long legs.

“What’s wrong with you. It’s you who wanted to watch this…”

“Yes. It’s me. But when have we sat down…”

Shucks!

Was it the sudden heat of realization, his anger or the pest, I started itching my elbow… “Yes, you can take home bugs as well for free from here…can’t use brains…”

I walked out and requested a transfer to the balcony. They would not comply.

I pulled out two notes and requested for new balcony seats and they said that the ticker was closed. It can’t be opened without permission and that their manager was not around. I stood three minutes tapping my scattered brains and checking my emotions before sneaking back… and I caught a restless husband.

“What took you so long. I was about to come out looking for you. Now relax. Enjoy the movie! ”

I did not.

Each time the unruly crowd booed and cheered louder, I sneaked a glance sideways. After a few times, he whispered, “Happens. Forget it.” Then he got closer, and taking my hands, said, “My fault. I should have reminded you…”

That moment I felt instantly better.

Taking responsibility is the key to a healthy relationship!!!

Sh…oo…sh! Dont analyse...it's just a saying!

You may want to read an earlier incident: When he lifted me off my feet...Click here