Who must 'do' books - Chetan Bhagat has the answer

The Jaipur Literary Festival is done, dusted and put to bed. At least as far as the media is concerned for they have the elections to dissect now.

So how does it matter if literary enthusiasts were meted out with injustice? Or if the world watched the Indian political class mow down one of its citizens' fundamental rights?

Wonder if we should heave a sigh of relief that the Republic Day went about without untoward ado. Or should we wait for the elections to wind up?

Guess Rushdie's flight developed a Republic Day-cum-poll snag!

It was, nevertheless, interesting to see the fiasco unfold slowly and hit crescendo...Beginning with reports, clips, quotes and misquotes, the climax saw an organiser who wept on the dais and property owner who smiled; authors who read and fled and police who shouted threats... all this amid the Big 'O' effect!

Even when the charming duo (one who hogged the limelight in person and the other by his virtual presence) decided to get on with their routine, our mirch-masala writer bragged on.

Chetan Bhagat creeps into my solitude. He took on a twitter war with Rushdie, possibly after his media announcement of asking people not to treat authors of banned books as heroes carried no fizz.

I'm not even getting into the Freedom of Expression - we lost MF Hussain. Alas! the issue seems to have doused with the great artist. Now an author. The worst is when a fellow artist denounces another. Once, you pardon. Repeated onslaught is offensive. Repulsively offensive. Period.

And to think Chetan Bhagat taking on Salman Rushdie is like an irritating flea niggling atop a jumbo pachyderm! With all due respect to the writer, I believe Bollywood is no bonafide endorsement to a work of literature. Even as I staunchly believe each writer has a genre he or she specialises in, certain books are works of art. And the likes of Salman Rushdie, Vikram Seth, Anita Desai, et all produce works of art.

Interestingly even Chetan Bhagat is turning in works of art - only that it’s the hot and erotic art. Checkout the YouTube advertisement for his books.

At least it’s rightly titled ' Do more books'!

When my husband lifted me off my feet...

I had a nostalgic few days recently. My husband carried me (the right I bitterly gave up after our daughter came into our lives). And without me even uttering a word. Ooomy!

He didn't stop at that. He held me tight and let me lean over his shoulders as I strolled in full public view. Wow! When was the last I did that! I don't even want to recollect.

He returned from work early, without me requesting. And fed me, too. What more can I ask of my man!

Yes, 13 years into our marriage and the zing is still on.

All I did was soak it all in - with a groan!

And the moment he heard me, he also ensured the home front was perfect.

The shoes on rack; Tie on hanger; TV volume minimal; Remote controls in place...

Barbies, Rapunzels and fairies in toy boxes; paints and brushes back after use; school projects completed without a hullabaloo...

Breakfast, lunch and dinner ready before I got to plan even!

All I did was soak it all in - with a moan!

And the moment he heard me, he rushed to pick up the hot water bag.

Wonder why the moans and groans ended in hot water bags? Well, the above mentioned moments are but the wonderful side-effects of suffering a sore back. Rather a terribly ill-behaved lower vertebrae.

So even as my medic has warned me not to show up at his door for the next two years, if I intend to walk upright when I grow old, I wouldn't mind peeping in to savour the wonderful moments.

But the practical and more saner mind in me says to back off. How about faking one at regular intervals. Harm to none!

So yesterday when the husband returned from work in the evening, I let out a sigh, eager to devour those wasted romantic moments I couldn't enjoy last week.

He just sat looking at me. Gave him some time to recoup and unwind and let out another sigh! "Why the hell can't you exercise? I didn't see you exercise yesterday, nor the day before. Don't forget what the orthopaedic said. Once the pain reduces you are back to..." And so he went on and I didn't know where the romantic feelings fled to until I stopped my thought process and began to pay attention to what was being said.

When I noticed his helplessness, my guilt knew no bounds.

Love, cuppa and diet

It popped up on my kitchen table precisely at the same time on Sunday mornings, even as I returned it to where it should belong every Thursday.

Once I threw it into the inner most rack of a cupboard amid rusty old timers, yet it sprung up two days later. On realising that my love for the cuppa would never cease, I changed strategy - no, not resolutions - I called it determination! Opted for luke warm water with a squeeze of lemon to soothe my empty tummy to begin the day.

Throughout that Friday the feel-good hormones danced inside me. But the thought of what I ignored was vibrantly alive making me absent-minded and lagging behind schedule on chores. I blamed it on citrus!

Saturday morning as my fingers felt the kettle, I paused to take a deep breath to awaken the sleepy resolve. But the salient intake of the Life Force refused to unsettle a habit sedimented over the years. So I said aloud, 'No tea for me'. And it worked. I sipped the tangy water. The citrus began playing dirty soon as it niggled the interiors of my head. A creeping headache surfaced! By evening it worsened and I hit the bed smelling of eucalyptus.

Sunday morning, I woke up before the alarm did the honours and stood under the shower to soothe my thrombing nerves and hurried to the cupboard. A hot steamy cuppa and within an hour the spring returned to my weary feet.

With a justified excuse of 'I need energy to work', I stayed sincere to my cuppa up until the weekend. The following Thursday morning (my day off from the workplace), as I had nothing pressing to attend to, the occasional visitor wriggled in. The creepy guilt brought in with it a list of 'I can'ts'... I can't do a detox; can't get on a diet; can't eat healthy; can't give up a cup of tea to begin with...

This was eight months ago. My determination has been playing hide n seek since.

A month-and-a-half ago I took control of my mind. Formulated a modus operandi to beat the vice - one step at a time for me. Settled for half a cup of tea every morning. Felt instantly good. Wow! Ten days later, I settled for 1/4 cup of tea. Wow! factor lost its zeal. But I kept at it. Hung on for 10 days more. It was time to forgo completely as per my plan. But I struck a compromise. Four sips, three sips, two, one and then none. How long will each sip duration last? My mind said one day each but I settled for one week each.

Last Thursday was my first 'No-Tea' day. I kept myself busy and the headache too stayed away. I hit the bed proud of myself.

The next morning as I walked out of the bedroom, I saw a fresh and beaming husband in the living room watching the India-Aussie test. Seeing him smile I thought for a minute that India managed to save face.

"So who pulled the team through," I asked. "How can anyone rescue this side," he replied and added: "Come sit. Was waiting for you. Made your favourite masala chai."

So loving! How can I be rude!

A few hours later...I overheard him speak to my mother on the phone, "She's been trying to get on a diet again…no, no, you don’t worry. I’ve fixed it. Once she abstains from tea, then she’ll easily give up other things. So today I broke it. Now for some time she'll eat well."

You do things in your own time and space

Things will move in its own time and space. I was never a believer of this statement even as I devoured every line written by Louise l Hay.

With the dawn of 2012 I began to realise what it means.

My dream, the seed of which was sown inside me during teenage, lay in incubation for a good two decades. Did I nurture it? Honestly, not as much I would have loved to.

But it did germinate. It raised its tiny head two years back. Initially I felt it subtly. Then as it prodded and pushed me to breathe in air, I felt an ache that soon developed into a pain that I could not ignore.

That's when I picked it up and held it close. Am I guilty of being irresponsible? Well, not at all. Here's the reason why...

My little princess (that's what I call my daughter, who is my best critic) made a profound statement recently as we watched an interview of a fashion designer on TV. A NIFT graduate, she worked for four years in the corporate world before opening a boutique to pursue her chosen career.

I said, "What a fool. She wasted four years. Had she started designing right after graduation, she would have been established long ago."

My daughter replied, "How can you call her a fool? She might have thought of helping her parents with money. Now she might be settled, that's why she's doing what she learnt."

Coming from a 10-year-old, I was impressed. Soon came the next salvo. "Why do you always say follow your heart, follow your dreams and you will be happy? As if people who do not follow their hearts will not be happy. You first need to know what will make you happy, only then can you follow that, isn't it."

The last sentence was a statement.

Was this the line I was looking for? Perhaps.

If I chose to work in various publications for the last 15 years, it was for a reason. For my family. For myself, too. Else I would be lying. And how would I have enjoyed and understood the depth of my love for being an author had I not abstained from the same? Would I not have cursed myself for not giving a 'salaried career' a try? Definitely I would have.

So absolutely no regrets.

Yet I wonder at times about what spiritual experts say about achieving what we yearn for. Paulo Coelho says when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. Joseph Murphy believes mental imagery can help attract to us that we seek. Lousie L Hay says affirmations can get us what we aspire...

A creepy little doubt pricks me. Did I not really yearn for writing all these years?

I did. My first book says it all.

Each person's time and space differs!

In 2012 I resolve to...

Just a few more days to welcome another year and I'm not surprised that the year-end rule is followed this time, too. Resolutions are back with a vengeance. The same old rut : will hit the gym more, eat less and save more, will change the job, pick up that hobby and try for a baby et al !

Over the top of my head flew a few ideas that could make the list of resolutions shorter the following year, if adhered to.

All employees (Male & Female):

1. Stop walking in with a sullen face every morning. (No one is indispensable. If you are working at any place it's because you choose to do so.)
2. Stop making your presence felt at the workplace and do the job you are hired for. (Learn to earn your keep).
3. Stop looking for brownie points when you step in for your absent colleagues. (Points earned thus can turn into long ropes soon).
4. If you call in sick, please have some patience. Do not brag about the party you hosted the very day you return.
5. Stop cribbing about others not doing their job if you choose to be seen with the Boss. (Nothing comes free and easy).

All employers (Male & Female)

1. Stop acting blind. If you can't hike salaries, good words can keep the morale of staff up.
2. Strengthen your spine and walk up to the employees who are not heard or easily seen. They help you meet daily deadlines, not the ones who make the loudest noise and shake hands with you.

Netizens:

1. Stop posting positive quotes on facebook just because others are doing it. (First practise them, if it works for you then go ahead)
2. Stop replying to comments on discussions just because you need to have the last word. (Let not your character be an open case-study)
3. Stop reposting portraits of self that received fewer comments. (Brush up on response-analysing skills)

Housewives & Livelihood earners on returning home :

1. Stop complaining about lack of time to exercise. (Spend less time at the dining table or on internet - whichever is your bigger vice)
2. Don't wait to be invited by teetotaller friends. Visit them. They are human beings too just like the company you enjoy of men who booze or women who gossip or vice-versa.
3. Stop judging others even before you interact with them. (At least you'll learn why they never took the first step).
4. Learn to compliment boastful and I-know-it-all acquaintances the moment they get on a roll. (That's the easiest way to shut them up at the earliest and you get a chance to exercise positiveness)
5. Understand everything with relatives is relative. Either take their words with a sack of salt or ignore them, whichever is less labourious.

Teenagers :

1. Stop slaughtering English language in the name of virtual lingo, lest you forget the correct version. Your kids will be required to study A-Z alphabets and the basic words. 'd' for 'the' will take decades more to make it into the English lexicon.

Tweens (9 to 12 year-olds)

1. Begin to eat at least one vegetable and a fruit once a week.
2. Don't create facebook accounts. Wait for your turn. You will not regret it.

Anna Hazare walks into history books

It's all happening at a frenzied pace. With just a few days more for the winter session of parliament to end, Anna team is pressing the hazard buttons harder, the Opposition is desperately muddying waters further to pounce on the last fish; media is haunting anybody termed a politician to air their views; columnists are squeezing in a few lines before the next drama begins...

Whatever happens in this Parliament session I’m not particularly worried (apart from a chunk of public money wasted yet again with nothing constructive to show for) because there’s a hero out there. No, not in Mariah Carey’s heart. In the hearts of millions of Indians.

Anna Hazare – the man you can either hate or love but cannot ignore.

The Grand Old Man of modern India is determined to run the course. How long it will take, only time will say for the Bill is just the first lap of the long marathon he has set on. It’s a long track out to thousands of village and city corners. But he has already carved a path – one into history books. I can see children naming his head on exercise sheets and mugging up his bio-data for exams.

If the two Indian of the Year awards he is conferred with is anything to go by, it’s just a matter of time when regional news channels will queue up propelling his move into the world of academics.

He simply deserves to be studied. For it's no mean feat to have aroused the collective conscience of the nation after six decades. To have shaken the masses and the classes equally is commendable. No wonder he needed the aid of two heroes. His provocative speeches many a times have not settled down well with me. A Gandhian cannot influence the electorate any one way, I believe. But guess that’s the Shivajinism needed to wake up hi-tech mortals from their conscious slumber.

However, I wonder where his impatience stems from. If the so-called powers that be did mention the winter session for the Bill, shouldn’t he have given them the space to act? Threats of fasts, debates, mud-slinging… all through were not called for. This is when I’m forced to believe reports in certain sections of the media about his “team calling the shots”. Definitely a person who has worked against odds and transformed his entire village will know better. Then why this rush?  Waited for 60 long years is the oft-repeated conclusion. No more time to be wasted!

So what happens if another session goes waste? Will Annaji fast a fourth time before the year ends? Well, it's just another week that we need to wait. Fast or protest, the Bill will see the light of the day, indeed. As for the fruits of the proposed Bill, it shouldn’t matter if it takes another 60 years to cleanse the nation, for the process for another first is begun. The world’s largest democracy hitherto is dusting its image clean!

So shouldn’t the architect of the ‘Largest Clean Democracy’ have a title? Hero is too frivolous. Modern-day Gandhi? -That’s ignoring his other role model Shivaji. Father of Modern India? – that’s the easy way out. Settle for Indian? Should we check with Kamal Hassan for the copyright?

Networking on social media sites - a sham

As I sat to write today, I realised it has been almost two weeks since I penned my thoughts as I was tied up at work more than I could help. Neither did I follow networkers nor checked mails. Worse still felt guilty as I didn’t tune in to any new channels on TV either.  However, thanks to the wisdom literature I’m chewing on of late, I looked at the half-full portion of my glass. And realised that I learnt quite a few valid lessons.

Here are a few…

Off from facebook gives you space to think about yourself .

Off from twitter gives you ample time to form your own opinion about subjects you love and not tow others viewpoints.

Not checking your emails is not suicidal. Any earth-shattering news will be delivered on your phone anyways.

Not tuning in to news bulletin will leave you less stressed and less depressed.

As I was reveling in the feel-good endorphins released by the two-week hiatus, one of my family friends came in singing praises of LinkedIn.  It’s worth spending time on LinkedIn; I got several new leads; It’s the forum for serious professionals…

Even before I could debate its necessity in my head, I was half-way through thinking of a login name. Old habits die hard.

No sooner I keyed in my job details than a list of ‘people you might know’ appeared on the side. Curious enough, I browsed to see my everyday colleagues and acquaintances stare at me.

Spent a few minutes more and discovered the professional networking link is yet another mockery of a platform. Majority of those I knew are upper management. Reporters are editors; clerks are managers; assistants are managing a team of not less than10.

There are several ‘experienced journalists’, ‘experienced administrators’, ‘experienced sales executives’… with no job profiles mentioned – now how do you define ‘experienced’?

I also learnt some bitter truths…a few diploma holders are in the upper echelons while some post-graduates are way lower at their respective workplace hierarchy.

What a sham, if potential employers were to scan LinkedIn accounts of jobseekers. Gosh.

Being a professional for about 15 years; being on facebook for almost two years and on twitter for a decent while, I conclude thus…

Truth No1: Be it workplace or networking sites making your presence felt is what matters.

Truth No2: Serious networkers will have ‘real human contacts’ not ‘friends’ on social networking sites.

Truth No3: Maximum response on facebook will be on your personal pictures; followed by YouTube videos. Replies to any serious discussion or suggestions will be only ‘like’.

Truth No4: twitter accounts are to follow celebrities and compete with ‘fellow friends’ on other sites in breaking that bit of ‘newssips’.

Truth No5: Take professional details on LinkedIn with a spoon full of salt.

I admit social networking sites have, indeed, played key roles in raising social awareness in the recent past so much so governments are spending sleepless nights trashing out counter-ideas. But, herein again I see a trend. Only a social cause or celebrity posts will get mass response. A common man who sincerely wishes to network to enrich himself will find few true friends in the virtual world.